You can’t make this stuff up, even if you tried.

I love surfing the web, looking for stories far removed from the ordinary. I hit the jackpot with one from the great state of Louisiana.

Recently, members of the Louisiana State Senate took up a measure that will (hopefully) put in very definitive legal terms that bestiality is illegal down in the Bayou State.

My initial impression is why wasn’t there already a law on the books that barred humans from having sex with animals. But, then again, this is Louisiana we’re talking about here.

In the discussion leading up to the vote, State Senator JP Morrell of New Orleans said it’s important that the state has a way to arrest someone for having sex with animals.

He told fellow lawmakers, “God forbid you vote against this bill, good luck explaining it.”

Well, lo and behold, 10 of Morrell’s colleagues voted in opposition to the proposed legislation. Fortunately for the poor animals of Louisiana, the majority (25 senators) gave their approval to the law.

The measure now heads to the Louisiana House of Representatives. It will be curious to see how the vote shakes out in that chamber of state government.

If you really want a good laugh (or a headache), then try following all aspects of the ongoing investigation conducted by Special Council Robert Mueller.

This circus began with what was billed as the main attraction….how Donald Trump stole the White House by colluding with the Russians. That non-fact is now the side show, replaced by Mr. Trump’s sexual appetite long before he became POTUS.

Mueller and other left-leaning sharks thought they smelled blood in water over the Russian thing, but when that didn’t play out the way they wanted they went fishing for something else.

Stay tuned…..it’s still a feeding frenzy, fueled by the mainstream media. Something will turn up, even if they have to make it up. Perhaps they’ll claim that Donald Trump’s long-lost brother was among the 10 Louisiana State Senators that favors bestiality.

And, finally, this strange, twisted story from NBC News.

Recently, Constantin Reliu learned that he was dead (it’s kind’a hard to learn something when you’re dead).

After more than 20 years of working as a cook in Turkey, the 63-year-old returned home to Romania to discover that his wife had had him officially registered as dead.

He has since been living a legalistic nightmare of trying to prove to authorities that he is, in fact, alive. He faced a major setback when a court in the northeastern city of Vaslui refused to overturn his death certificate because his request was filed “too late.”

“I am officially dead, although I’m alive,” he said. “I have no income and because I am listed as dead, I can’t do anything,” Reliu told a reporter from the Associated Press.

Reliu explained that he first went to work in Turkey in 1992 and returned in 1995 to the first big shock of his marriage — his wife’s infidelity. In 1999, he decided to return to Turkey for good. His wife now resides in Italy.

Upon landing at Bucharest airport, he was informed by border officials that he had been officially declared dead and underwent six hours of questioning and tests.

They measured the distance between his eyes to see if it corresponded to an old passport photograph; they asked him questions about his home town, such as where the town hall was; they checked his fingerprints.

“They decided that it was me!” he said.

But authorities in Barlad were less convinced. He spent weeks trying to persuade them to issue him papers so that he officially “existed,” he said. When that failed, he asked them to overturn the ruling on his death certificate, issued in 2016, which also ended in failure recently on procedural grounds.

Like I said at the outset of this column, you can’t make this stuff up.

Cal Bryant is the Editor of Roanoke-Chowan Publications. Contact him at cal.bryant@r-cnews.com or 252-332-7207.