Kids Say the Darndest (and correct) Things

Published 5:13 pm Tuesday, November 16, 2021

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I grew up watching Art Linkletter on television (my dad told me he use to listen to him on the radio).

Way back in the 1950’s, Mr. Linkletter had a 15-minute show every Saturday morning entitled “Art Linkletter and the Kids.” There was also a popular TV show – “House Party” – that he anchored from 1952-1969 (which started the year before I was born and ended when I was a junior in high school). It was a variety show that featured household hints, an audience participation quiz with prizes, musical groups, and celebrity interviews. However, it was best known for a weekly segment entitled “Kids Say the Darndest Things.”

What makes us, as adults, double over in laughter when we hear or see a child say or do something funny? Is it the innocence of the moment….or are children born as natural comedians before growing up?

For example, I was browsing Facebook last week and stumbled across a link to the website They shared 50 of the funniest test and homework answers submittted by students to their teachers. What follows are the ones I found the most humorous:

On a test, a teacher asked their students to place these words in alphabetical order: take, value, use, royal. One student interpreted that literally by answering (in order): aekt, aeluv, esu, alory.

Technically, those answers are not wrong. Perhaps the teacher should consider making themself a bit clearer next time.

Another funny one is a tombstone, with a student’s name at the top, when they were asked by their teacher to draw a picture of what they will look like in 100 years.

You have to love this smart aleck child. On a test, they were asked….What is the highest frequency noise that a human can register. The student answered: Mariah Carey.

On the same test was the question….Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed? Their answer was: At the bottom.

I honestly do not know if Mariah Carey has the highest pitch voice, but I guarantee that all 56 signatures on our Declaration of Independence are found at the bottom of that historic document….which was presented to the members of the Second Continental Congress to sign on Aug. 2, 1776 in Philadelphia.

Here’s another smart aleck answer by another student on a test. How do you convert centimeters to meters? Their answer was, “take out the centi.”

When I was growing up, my dad and mom taught me that with hard work comes reward….meaning I earned my allowance by performing required tasks. Apparently, one particular student either wasn’t taught those same values or refused to perform the work he was asked to do around his house. On a quiz, he was asked: I earn money at home by ———? His answer was, “I don’t. I am a freeloader.”

Well, at least that kid is honest.

Sometimes, simple and logical answers are the best responses. When asked to give a brief explanation of the term “hard water”, one student answered, “Ice.”

Yep….that about covers it!!

And while on the subject of hard, frozen water, if you studied astronomy then you should know that the rings around Saturn are made of dust and ice. It’s thought that the pieces that make up Saturn’s rings came from moons, planets, and asteroids, which are now stuck in Saturn’s strong gravitational pull.

However, that’s what science wants us to believe. When asked why are there rings around Saturn, one student answered, “Because God liked it, so he put a ring on it.”

There are three states of matter: solid, liquid, and gas. On a test, a student was asked in which state do particles show the least movement. The kid’s answer was New Jersey.

Another student was very blunt (and extremely honest) on a quiz that dealt with finding solutions to problems. When asked what to do if a child fell on a playground and scratched their knee, the kid answered, “Get up and deal with it.”

And then there are the young, creative minds…the kids who attempt to miss class or leave school early by writing a letter and signing their parent’s name at the bottom. Here’s one shared by a teacher:

Dear Teacher, my daughter is sick and cannot go to school because she needs to visit the doctor because she has a toothache and won’t go to school for ten weeks. Sincerely, Mom.

I remember doing that when I was in school. It never worked out too well for me either until I got to high school and figured out that the assistant principal (Carl Russell Britt) and I had the same initials. Another piece of handy info was the fact that Mr. Britt always used his initials to sign a note sent by a parent. So, my classmates and I never feared getting caught writing a late for class or early release note from one of our parents because the only person in authority seeing it would be the school secretary. All she looked for was the CRB scribbled at the bottom, which I had placed there. And it wasn’t forgery because they are my initials.

I’ll leave you with two more of my favorites from the Parent Influence website.

A question on a quiz asked a student to list three things that Saturn, Uranus and Neptune have in common. That’s pretty much an open-ended question and one student jumped on that fact by answering: (1) They are all planets. (2) They are all round. (3) None of them have McDonalds.

I’ve saved the best for last, at least in my opinion. For some reason, the teacher said the following only contained three (of 10) correct answers. I beg to differ, but I’ll let you be the judge.

Printed at the top of the page was: Ten Words I Can Spell Right Are….to which the student listed: (1) Ten (2) Words (3) I (4) Can (5) Spell (6) Right (7) Are (8) Octopus (9) Seven (10) Two.

In red ink. The teacher wrote: See me after class.

What’s all the fuss about? The student successfully completed the assignment by correctly spelling ten words.

Kids may say the darndest things…but please don’t belittle their efforts when they are correct.

Cal Bryant is the Editor at Roanoke-Chowan Publications. Contact him at or 252-332-7207.

About Cal Bryant

Cal Bryant, a 40-year veteran of the newspaper industry, serves as the Editor at Roanoke-Chowan Publications, publishers of the Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald, Gates County Index, and Front Porch Living magazine.

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