More from the world of dumb crooks

Published 6:47 pm Tuesday, October 22, 2019

Getting your Trinity Audio player ready...

Regular readers of my weekly column will know that, from time to time, I love to share dumb crook news.

There’s nothing that tickles the funny bone more than bumbling idiots who commit crimes. Listed below are a few “laugh out loud” stories I found on the World Wide Web (

Two men were arrested in late April after one of them accidentally butt-dialed 911 while they were breaking into a Best Buy, Sugar Land, TX police said.

The pair allegedly stole several laptops and other electronic items. Police say the three suspects entered the big box electronics store, tripping the alarm at around 3 a.m. At the same time, dispatchers also received a 911 call from a phone in the area, but no one could be heard on the line – just background noises.

Two of the suspects were captured after a high-speed vehicle pursuit. Another is at large, KFI reports.

Also in April, police officers in Crossville, TN, arrested a woman after a very unusual police pursuit.

Police say Sally Selby took an electric shopping cart from a local Walmart store early one morning and drove it down Highway 127 in the slow lane. Police pursued at very low speed.

When officers were able to get her to stop, Selby reportedly told them she took the cart from Walmart and was driving it to Waffle House to get a cup of coffee, according to WKRN.

In June of last year, Douglas Kelly suspected that the drugs he illegally bought and subsequently consumed were not what he had bargained for. So he did what seemed logical (to him). He called the Putnam County (Florida) Sheriff’s Office, asking them to test the drugs so he could press charges against the person who sold them to him, according to CNN.

Kelly gave deputies samples of the “clear, crystallized substance” for testing. The substance field-tested positive for methamphetamine, the drug Kelly intended to purchase.

Kelly was arrested and charged with possession of methamphetamine. He was placed in the Putnam County Jail, held on $5,000 bond.

Back in July of 2014, a Minnesota bank robber overcame having locked the keys in his getaway car southwest of Duluth only to be caught after being pulled over for a second time as he drew closer to the Twin Cities, according to authorities, reports the Star Tribune.

Moshood Itabiyi, 22, of Coon Rapids, was charged in Carlton County District Court with first-degree aggravated robbery and third-degree burglary one day after robbing the Northview Bank branch in Barnum.

Once in the Carlton County jail, Itabiyi told investigators he had locked the keys in his getaway car, prompting him to break into a nearby residential garage for a hammer, which he used to bust out a window and resume his dash toward the Twin Cities.

And finally in what has to be the dumbest criminal ever, a suspect featured on the Pasco County (Fla.) Sheriff’s Office Facebook page as a “Fugitive of the Day” was arrested after posting a series of irate comments on the page.

Matthew Oliver, 23, was arrested two days after the his post on the social media network. Oliver had a warrant for his arrest as a robbery suspect.

The morning that the Pasco Sheriff’s Office first put up the post, Oliver began posting angry comments where he accused the sheriff’s office of “slandering my name” and attacked the “fools investigating crimes.” He posted that he couldn’t have been involved in the robbery because he was cut during “an mma fight got mrsa and almost died.”

The post garnered more than 400 comments and was followed by an updated posted on Friday announcing Oliver’s arrest.

You just can’t make this stuff up!

Cal Bryant is the Editor of Roanoke-Chowan Publications. Contact him at or 252-332-7207.

About Cal Bryant

Cal Bryant, a 40-year veteran of the newspaper industry, serves as the Editor at Roanoke-Chowan Publications, publishers of the Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald, Gates County Index, and Front Porch Living magazine.

email author More by Cal