Water cooler talk for non-Game of Thrones viewers

Published 6:19 pm Friday, May 24, 2019

I can’t seem to go anywhere lately without hearing or seeing discussion about Game of Thrones. It’s somehow everywhere I turn. The popular HBO show recently wrapped up its series finale after eight seasons, and apparently it was so controversial that people can’t stop talking about it.

I wouldn’t know, however, because I’ve never watched the show myself. I’ve never even picked up a copy of the book series it’s based on either. All I know about the story are vague details that don’t make much sense without context to go with them. There are dragons, there’s a fancy seat everyone wants to sit in, lots of people die, nobody ever seems to have a “white” wedding, and “winter is coming.” (How do I even know this much without watching??)

I’ve seen a lot of people talking about how they didn’t enjoy the final season. Something I think about how the characters were acting, well, out of character apparently. Whatever it was, it made some people so mad they started a petition hoping for a remake of the entire last season. I’m sure that petition will be as successful as any other internet petition people sign their names on. Which is to say, not successful at all. Sorry but you’ll all be stuck with whatever happened in the final season forever.

But what about those of us (a tiny handful I assume) who can’t participate in all these Game of Thrones discussions because we never watched it? Don’t worry! I have come up with a few conversation topics we can use to talk about something other than the TV show.

Here are my suggestions:

Everyone seems to like the dragons in Game of Thrones. What other TV shows would be improved by the addition of dragons? I’m thinking any CBS cop procedural would be a lot more fun if the police rode around to crime scenes on the backs of dragons. Maybe they could put the dragon in armor covered in blue lights! Cute, right? Daytime soap operas might also be more exciting with a pet dragon too. Imagine all the added chaos on top of the usual drama if there’s a dragon in the mix!

Alright, okay, maybe every TV show would be improved with the addition of a dragon.

Another thing to talk about: the weather. While others talk about the climate in the fictional Game of Thrones land (I do not know its name), we can talk about the actual weather conditions just outside. The heat of summer is just kicking in here in NC and I already feel like I’m melting. When is winter coming, by the way? Maybe now would be a good time to start seriously talking about the effect of climate change on our planet…

But if we don’t want to talk about something so depressing, how about a different topic? How about potential new shows to fill the void left behind by the end of Game of Thrones? I have some ideas.

“Game of zones” would be a thrilling look into the world of city and county zoning ordinances. Truly riveting stuff in that one. Always read the fine print!

“Game of loans” would be a documentary-style show where baby boomers would take on millennial student loan debt and figure out how to deal with that. Good luck!

And my personal favorite would be “Game of scones,” a cooking competition hosted by Gordon Ramsay (from Kitchen Nightmares) and Mary Berry (from The Great British Baking Show). I can only assume it will involve as much backstabbing and violence as Game of Thrones apparently contains. No one will ever expect Mary Berry’s sudden descent into villainy!

Or, instead of talking about how disappointing Game of Throne’s final season was, we could just complain about all the other disappointing things in our lives. I personally would like to declare my disappointment for people who refuse to use turning signals when they drive. It’s annoying.

And lastly, if you find your Game of Thrones friends missing all the drama and interesting characters, maybe suggest they try reading the newspaper. As it turns out, truth is sometimes stranger than fiction!

Holly Taylor is a Staff Writer for Roanoke-Chowan Publications. Contact her at holly.taylor@r-cnews.com or at 252-332-7206.