Let the good times roll….away
Sixty-five….it seems like just yesterday when I looked forward to reaching that magical age because, at least back in my dark ages, it meant time for retirement.
While I’m sure there are many people who wish that was true – the retirement thing – I don’t plan to any time soon. Too many bills left to pay and too many stories still to write.
Sixty-five….gee, where did the time go? It doesn’t seem that awfully long ago I would pack up the car with a change of clothes and fill the rest of it with cold beer and strike out for a long weekend at the beach. Nowadays, the only sand and surf I enjoy are in my dreams at night. And for the beer….I enjoy perhaps one or two every couple of weeks.
Sixty-five…..the signs of age are everywhere for me, starting with when I drag my tired butt out of bed each morning and hurt in places I didn’t know existed.
When a hot shower is better than a hot slice of apple pie with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top, then you know the years are beginning to pile up.
When you interview a younger person for a news story and they inform you that perhaps you know their grandfather better than their father, it’s time to grasp the fact that you’re old.
Yep, come Friday of this week (June 22), yours truly will turn 65.
So, I got to thinking, what are the other non-calendar signs of aging?
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
One of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle.
You realize that a stamp today costs more than admission to the movies when you were growing up.
Your friend is dating someone half his age and isn’t breaking any laws.
You sing along with the elevator music.
All of your favorite classic movies are now revised in color.
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of the police.
People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
The end of your tie doesn’t come anywhere near the top of your pants.
You can’t remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
You talk about “good grass” and you’re referring to someone’s lawn.
An “all-nighter” means not getting up to pee.
You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
Your favorite TV show is Storm Stories on The Weather Channel.
You can live without sex, but not without glasses.
“Getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot.
You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.
You’re good at opening childproof caps – with a hammer.
You still have a photographic memory, but it no longer offers same day service.
The way I see this whole thing is that I’m not really 65; I’m 21 with 44 years of experience.
I believe I’m too young to be this old! Honestly, I’m young at heart, just slightly older in other places.
I really can’t let this thought of aging get me down because, after all, it’s so dadgum hard to get back up.
And, finally, at my age it’s hard to find games to play. I think someone ought to invent some type of entertainment for us senior citizens. How ‘bout Sag, You’re It; 20 Questions Shouted Into Your Good Ear; Kick the Bucket; Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over; Simon Says Something Incoherent; Spin the Bottle of Mylanta;
Musical Recliners; or Hide and Go Pee.
Hopefully, if the good Lord is willing, ya’ll can wait 365 days and I’ll share more wisdom about reaching age 66.
Cal Bryant is the Editor of Roanoke-Chowan Publications. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org or 252-332-7207.