When nature calls….let go, let God in

Published 10:25 am Thursday, January 5, 2017

What do you do when nature calls? And no, I do not mean doing what you think I mean.

However, what do you do when everything you know is gone in what seems like an instant, and you have to face the truth that all you have is who you are?

These are truths I have faced in the last 10 years of my life. Honesty time: I’m 32 years old and will be 33 soon. Perhaps to some of you that seems young, but as Deanna Carter said in “Strawberry Wine,” a popular song when I was growing up – “I still remember when 30 was old.”

Twenty years ago, I thought I had life figured out. I thought by 32 (or 30, even), I’d have either a great career in writing novels, or a successful career in journalism at least. I’ve always loved writing, and talking to people, and hearing their stories… Ironically, none of that mattered to me. I just wanted a family.

At 22, I was married and had just given birth to my only son. My then-husband and I had bought a new house, and we had stable jobs – everything seemed great.

But then 10 years ago last October, my world shattered. Many of you know my son’s story. You know the hardships he has faced over the years because of his disability from almost being killed by his biological father (NEVER shake a baby!) – and what happened to my son because of that, and what I have since tried to do to help him.

But that is no matter now.  I quickly learned that the more I tried, the more pitfalls I seemed to fall into. I took up the motto coined by Mother Teresa, “I know God can’t give me anything I can’t handle; I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.”

Later after much more stuff piled on, a friend told me that the easiest way to make God laugh is to tell Him your (“my”) plan… so I gave up on that, for a time.

Last year, 2016, was a different kind of bad-special.  It marked the 10th year my son and I have existed pretty much on our own… yes, bouncing from place to place over the years… but always in my mind with the hope that it would make life better for him educationally and therapeutically, somehow.

However, last year I messed up badly.

Without going into too much detail, I was not in a good place from a breakup of the man I thought I had finally picked to be a dad for my son. At not quite 32 years old last year, for the first time I saw jail “from the inside” – orange jumpsuit and all. I went to court, a lot. I saw the inside of a “looney bin,” even, after calling the authorities on myself for not-good thoughts.

I am baring my soul and telling the world all of this to say… Never forget why you are on this earth. Most importantly, never forget that others are on this planet with you!

Towards the end of the year after all of that happened, I prayed a lot. I still do, but not enough – I’m working on that one. Love the people you are with, appreciate what you have, and strive to always appreciate what God has in store for you.

The more you resist it, the harder He will come at you.  I have no idea what God’s plan is for me, this new year or any… I am just going with the flow at this point, and if at some point your life is hard and seems impossible: let go, let God in. He is letting us be here on His planet after all, right?

Jennipher Dickens is a Staff Writer for Roanoke-Chowan Publications. Contact her at jennipher.dickens@r-cnews.com or (252) 332-7206.