Life saving ‘drugs’ arrive just in time

Published 8:05 am Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Just one more week and I would been a goner…pushing up daises; sleeping with the gophers; six feet under.

Thank goodness for a quick and accurate medical prognosis from my doctor. Without it, Deborah was destined to become a widow.

I just hadn’t been feeling all that good as of late. I had no energy; felt out of sorts.

Come to find out that it’s a common disorder that affects the majority of men (and some women) as the calendar maneuvers through the lazy days of summer. The symptoms appear to worsen in the latter stages of July into early-to-mid August.

Yes, I was suffering from lackafootballitis. My pigskin levels were extremely low. A blood test revealed below normal amounts of gridiron. Both can be deadly if left untreated.

My doctor was able to remedy my illness, but exercised extreme caution by making sure I didn’t overdose. Prescribed was a mild dose of the NFL Network, taken one hour at the time, three times daily. I was told to pay particular attention to the Fantasy Football reports, as it’s that time of the year for the Fantasy Draft.

My doc told me that the initial medication should be followed by attending high school football games. Well, just in the nick of time, that season kicks off this Friday (Aug. 22) and I do plan to follow my doctor’s orders.

The heavy medication arrives Thursday, Sept. 4 as I was instructed to watch the Packers at the Seahawks NFL season opener. Then, for the next 17 weekends, my doctor prescribed multiple doses of NFL contests. If, for some reason there is a relapse, I was told to tune into either Monday Night or Thursday Night football, or both if conditions warrant.

Thanks, doc for saving my life.

My check-up also revealed one other medical condition. While not life-threatening as lackafootballitis, my blood work revealed a shortage of bacon. My doctor immediately prescribed one pound of bacon per week and also told me to lay off the yard work and helping Deborah with house chores until my bacon levels recover. Sorry, Deb, I’m under doctor’s orders. I was told my bacon levels may not fully recover until Super Bowl Sunday. I don’t want to take any chances and ignore my doctor’s orders.

And there was one other item noted during my trip to the doctor last week. The blood work showed a deficiency in Brody Ray Harrell. I told my doc that Brody, my grandson who turns nine months old on Aug. 19, had been vacationing with his parents at Myrtle Beach for 10 days. I was prescribed an immediate visit with him upon his return.

That occurred on Sunday. We all went to church together at Oak Grove Baptist to see and hear the powerful testimonies of the OBX Dare Challenge, a rehab facility for young men whose lives have been turned upside down by drug and alcohol abuse. I know Brody was too young to heed the words of these young men, but I do hope that other children and young teens in the audience were listening. They don’t want to walk in the same shoes, although the OBX group is getting their lives back in order through Jesus.

But back to Brody….Deborah and I were amazed to see just how much our little man had grown. He finally mastered the crawling routine and appears to be talking more and more.

Watching him scoot across the floor and listening to his new words were just what the doctor ordered.

Cal Bryant is Editor of Roanoke-Chowan Publications. He can be contacted at or 252-332-7207. 

About Cal Bryant

Cal Bryant, a 40-year veteran of the newspaper industry, serves as the Editor at Roanoke-Chowan Publications, publishers of the Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald, Gates County Index, and Front Porch Living magazine.

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