Warning: Idiots can vote

Published 9:13 am Tuesday, April 10, 2012

At some point in our lives each of us have come face to face with a person of limited intellect….some of us experiencing such encounters on more than one occasion.

Often we use these idiot sightings to enjoy a good laugh. However, the more of these stumbling, bumbling people I encounter, the more I feel uneasy. Think about it….these buffoons, at least those of legal age, can vote. That’s a scary thought given the following “idiot sightings” as sent my way by Bobby “Keys” Eure:

A man enters his bank and hands the teller a withdrawal slip for $400. He asks for large bills, to which the teller replies – “I’m sorry sir, all the bills are the same size.”

A husband and wife arrive at the automobile dealership to pick up their car which had been serviced. They were told there would be a slight delay since the keys were locked inside the car. The couple walked to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As the husband watched from the passenger side, he instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. He informed the service technician of his discovery, to which the mechanic replied, “I know. I already got that side.”

The woman of the house was patiently waiting at home for a repairman, called to fix a problem with the garage door. Upon his arrival, he told the woman that the motor on the auto door opener wasn’t large enough. “The one we have is the largest they make – a ½ horsepower,” she said. The repairman shook his head and responded, “Lady, you need a ¼ horsepower, everyone knows four is bigger than two.”

This one is a common occurrence at every fast-food joint in the world. A woman places her order at a drive-thru and the total comes to $4.25. She drives to the pay window and hands the clerk $5.25 in order to reduce the amount of coins we always wind up with. The clerk states she has been given too much money. “Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back,” said the customer. The clerk, completely oblivious to simple math, goes to her manager, who asks the customer to repeat the reason for giving the clerk $5.25. The customer again states her reason, to which the manager says, “I’m sorry, we don’t do that kind of thing.” The woman receives her food and a $1.75 in change. Duh!

A city slicker moves to the boondocks. A short time later he calls DOT to come out and remove the Deer Crossing signs near his house. His reason…..“Too many deer are getting hit by cars out here. I don’t think this is a good place for deer to be crossing anymore.”

Another idiot is spotted taking an order at a fast food joint. Upon the customer asking for minimal lettuce on their sandwich, the clerk replies, “We sorry, we only serve iceberg lettuce.”

Have you ever seen a co-worker plug the power strip at their desk back into itself and then wonder why their computer doesn’t work?

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. Two co-workers prepare to cross a busy street on their way to lunch. The intellectually challenged one of the duo inquires about the buzzing sound, to which her co-worker said it was used to alert blind people when it was safe to cross. Appalled at this fact, the idiot responds, “What on earth are blind people doing driving?”

Remember, these people walk among us and can vote!


Cal Bryant is Editor of Roanoke-Chowan Publications. He can be contacted at cal.bryant@r-cnews.com or 252-332-7207.

About Cal Bryant

Cal Bryant, a 40-year veteran of the newspaper industry, serves as the Editor at Roanoke-Chowan Publications, publishers of the Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald, Gates County Index, and Front Porch Living magazine.

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