Second mouse gets the cheese
Published 8:23 am Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Leave it once again to my good friend, Bobby “Keys” Eure, to brighten up an otherwise drab day.
Less than 24 hours removed from that annual undertaking of love (with a little blood, sweat, tears and a few choice words thrown in for good measure) known as the Graduation Edition, I was in desperate need of a good laugh.
Bobby came through, as usual, in the clutch.
As I was sorting through a hundred or so emails on Friday, I came across this jewel from Bobby. The title of the email – PARAPROSDOKIANS – caught my attention. It begged me to read on, which I did and I will share in my space this week.
I had to look up “paraprosdokian”. Here is the definition: “Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation.”
“Where there’s a will, I want to be in it,” is a type of paraprosdokian.
Here are some other examples:
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, “In case of emergency, notify”….. I put DOCTOR.
I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and then call whatever you hit as the target.
Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Cal Bryant is Editor of Roanoke-Chowan Publications. He can be reached at email@example.com or 252-332-7207.