Just call me Dell Wright

Published 1:03 pm Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Extended morning road trips – while very few for me since I live less than three miles from work – mean one thing…a chance to catch “The Big Show with John Boy and Billy” on the radio.

I’ve listened, on and off, to these two self-proclaimed rednecks over the past 20 years. At one time their show was on a variety of radio stations easily heard in our corner of the world. However, the closest stations now carrying the show are in Richmond, Va. and New Bern and you have to respectively travel just north or south of Ahoskie to tune in those frequencies.

Such was the case Saturday morning during a trip to Greenville. I laughed my rear end off listening to a comedy bit from James Gregory. He was recalling the time spent waiting for the service station attendant to come out and fill his car with gas, only to be told that the petroleum transfer technician would be with him momentarily.

Gregory also poked fun at another fancy title for an ordinary job, saying that yesteryear’s garbage men are now referred to as sanitation engineers.

Upon returning home from Saturday’s road trip, I launched an online search for hilarious job titles. My electronic research found something more amusing.

This is from www.squidoo.com that reprinted a response from famed columnist Pauline Phillips under the pen name Abigail Van Buren (aka Dear Abby) in regards to aptronyms – names that match the occupation.

Ray Ferrie is a retired ferryboat captain.

Linda Toot was the principal flute in the Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra.

Miss Cashdollar was the treasurer of a grade school.

Mr. Sues is a lawyer.

Richard Seed is a pioneer of reproductive technology.

Cardinal Jaime Sin is former head of the Catholic Church in the Philippines.

Professor Martin Braine is an American cognitive psychologist.

Professor John Wisdom is an American philosopher.

Dr. Fingers is a well-known gynecologist in Australia.

Lake Speed is a NASCAR driver.

A guy name Hooker runs a bait shop.

George Hammer used to own a hardware store in Louisville, KY. His son, Pete Hammer, now owns it.

The expert on deformed frogs (a problem in Minnesota) is Professor Hoppe of Southwest University of Minnesota.

In Maine, there is a veterinarian named Dr. Beever and a physician named Dr. DeKay.

There is a law firm in California called Payne & Fears who represent employers in employment litigation.

At the British Guards Depot, the chief medical officer was a Captain Blood, his assistant was Lieutenant Butcher; the Dental Officer was a Major Savage.

Dr. I. Doctor is an ophthalmologist.

There’s a used car dealership once owned by Karl Krook.

Jared Wooley raises sheep.

Back in the ’70s there were two urologists in Rochester, NY, one was Dr. Wee.

Dr. David Toothaker is a dentist in Arkansas.

There is also a Dr. Coffin, Dr. Fearing, Dr. Sorrow, Dr. Pray and Dr. Death (pronounced Deeth) who should probably change his name or his profession.

Bracebridge, Ontario, Canada boasts of electrician named Bruce Sparks; a heating contractor named Mr. Freeze; a sawmill operator named Jordan Plank; and Jim Crook manages the local penitentiary while his assistant is Susan Penwarden.

Dr. Tom Fillar is a dentist.

Dr. Hertz was a dentist in Ft. Lauderdale.

Rev. D. Goodenough is a Methodist minister.

Considering the profession I’m in, perhaps I’ll change my name to Dell Wright.

Cal Bryant is Editor of the Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald and Gates County Index. He can be reached at cal.bryant@r-cnews.com or 252-332-7207.

About Cal Bryant

Cal Bryant, a 40-year veteran of the newspaper industry, serves as the Editor at Roanoke-Chowan Publications, publishers of the Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald, Gates County Index, and Front Porch Living magazine.

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