It’s all Zee’s fault
I’ve been doing a little investigative reporting and I’ve found out quite a bit of interesting information that I’d like to share with you this week.
According to multiple sources, Bertie County Manager Zee Lamb is single-handedly responsible for the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. I know it is BP the government and especially President Obama are blaming, but I have it on good sources that Lamb is actually the man responsible.
He doesn’t run an oil company or anything, but according to my information, that really isn’t important when it comes to placing blame in this or other situations.
I have also found information that leads me to believe that the Bertie County Manager is responsible for the unbearable heat that has been smothering eastern North Carolina in the past few months.
You may think there is some sort of weather system that has caused the heat, but it is Lamb, who turned off the central air conditioning unit for the state, that is ultimately responsible.
The recession we’ve experienced? Lamb did it. He spent all the money in the entire country except the huge amount he loaned on housing before the bubble burst. Most of the money, as I understand it, is in his home somewhere outside of Bertie County and not at the home he has in Windsor.
The leaks about the war in Afghanistan? That was also Zee Lamb. He’s the one that provided the classified documents to the website that made them public. Don’t let it concern you that he’s not in the military and doesn’t have access to the records.
My information leads me to believe Lamb is also to blame for famine, floods, earthquakes and a variety of other natural disasters around the globe.
Our Editor, Cal Bryant, also informed me that he has seen photos of the crash of the Hindenburg and that he saw Lamb on the ground with a weapon that appears to be smoking. He stopped short of blaming Lamb for the incident, but believes he could have been involved.
If the information above sounds ridiculous to you, it’s because it most certainly is. It is not, however, any more ridiculous than some of the accusations that have been leveled at the manager of Bertie County over the last several years.
Lamb has been accused of everything from marital infidelity to purposely trying to sabotage the Bertie County public school district. He has been threatened, cussed and had every nature of insult hurled at him.
It is interesting to me that a few people – and it is a minority of the population in the county – want to blame every single problem that arises on the county manager. It seems like insanity to me for people to believe that somehow Zee Lamb has control of everything that happens.
Let me be the first to tell you that in the course of my reporting on Bertie County, Lamb and I have failed to see eye-to-eye on many occasions and not just because I’m a foot taller than he is. We’ve had disagreements and several times been unhappy with how the other person did their job.
What I have always gotten from Lamb, however, is a card from the top of the deck. When he tries to accomplish things, he’s done so without hiding behind other people. He shoulders the responsibility of his office the way he should.
Zee Lamb is not perfect, but he equally is not responsible for everything that goes wrong in the world. He’s a convenient scapegoat for people that don’t want to realize their own shortcomings.
Thadd White is Staff Writer and Sports Editor of the Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald and Gates County Index. He can be reached via email at email@example.com or by telephone at 332-7211.