Lessons of life

Published 9:54 am Thursday, October 22, 2009

I was talking with a coworker of mine the other day and she began discussing how amazed she was with her undesired yet inevitable transition into her parents. She has found as she has gotten older that she not only acts more and more like her parents, she has begun to speak like them as well.

This got us talking about all the “wisdom” we gained from our parents growing up. I thought I might share a bit of it with you too.

Dad knows everything yet nothing at the same time. If you don’t want his advice he undoubtedly will have some for you, but if it’s a favor or a tough answer you need, Mom knows best. I know this because he often told me to “go ask your mother”

Some people are raised in barns. I don’t know any of them but these people must exist, why else would my parents ask me if I was “raised in a barn” every time I left the door open.

Life is not fair, nor is it a democracy. While you may get a say you absolutely do not get a vote. When you pay bills, then you get to vote.

The best bargaining chip a parent can have is a roof. I know this because so long as I lived under their roof I would have to abide by their rules. I can only assume that if I had set up residence on the back porch I would have been free to do as I please.

Belts must be rough on the hands. I know this because I heard over and over again that “this will hurt me more than it hurts you” and it hurt me a lot.

Somewhere in the world there are parents made of dollar bills. I don’t know any of these parents but mine frequently made a point of reminding me that they were not the kind made of money.

Your lips have the power of regeneration. I came to this conclusion because according to my parents I spent most of my childhood “giving them lip”. I still have full lips however so they must have grown back.

At some point around the late 60s artists stop making music. All songs and melodies made after 1970 is called noise.

No matter how often you ask…No, they are NOT there yet..

Always do what your parents say, never do what your parents do.

No matter how bad or frustrating your situation, your parents had it worse. They had to endure the same thing you did, but they had to walk four miles uphill in the snow before it happened.

The brain resides somewhere near your derrire. This must be true because I was often reminded that I had “smarty pants” and was a “smart butt”

Anything your parents told you once, they told you a thousand times.

Parents talk to brick walls. Mine apparently did all the time.

I’m not sure how the world continues to repopulate itself with all the teenagers following each other off cliffs. My parents were constantly concerned that if my friends jumped off a cliff that I might jump too. My mother could only hope that if I did I would at least have clean underwear on.

Because I said so is reason enough for anything. This is a gift that must accompany childbirth however because after trying to use it as a child I inadvertently gave them some of my lip and caused them to hurt themselves more than they hurt me.

David Friedman is a long-time contributor to the Roanoke-Chowan News Herald. A Bertie High School graduate, he and his wife currently reside in Wilmington. David can be reached via e-mail at dave@gate811.net.