Football season – Southern style

Published 10:15 am Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Okay, I’ll admit that this is about a week behind schedule, but as they say…better late than never!

The Labor Day weekend officially opened the 2009 college football season. Here in the South, college football rules the roost. On Saturday’s, we all head in different directions to sit and watch our favorite “big time” college teams. In our area that would be trips to Chapel Hill, Greenville, Raleigh and Winston-Salem. A few of the real diehards (not to mention any names, but his initials are Ed Copeland) will go scale a mountain to see App State.

For those of you new to the area, especially the ones who have wised up and moved here from northern states, you need to learn how to prepare, attend and enjoy college football in the South. These helpful hints were printed in 2001 in the College Football Times:

Women’s Accessories:

NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.

SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary – that’s what dates are for.

Stadium Size:

NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.


NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.

SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

Campus Decor:

NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.

SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Getting Tickets:

NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus.

SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus, make a large financial contribution and put name on a waiting list for tickets.


NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.

SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The real faithful arrive on Tuesday.


NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.

SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance from the Dave Matthews Band.

Getting to the Stadium:

NORTH: You ask “Where’s the stadium?” When you find it, you walk right in.

SOUTH: When you’re near it, you’ll hear it. On game day it is the state’s third largest city.


NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.

SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team’s mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.

Commentary (Male):

NORTH: “Nice play.”

SOUTH: “Dangit, you slow idiot – tackle him and break his legs.”

Commentary (Female):

NORTH: “My, this certainly is a violent sport.”

SOUTH: “Dangit, you slow idiot – tackle him and break his legs.”

After the Game:

NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.

SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon and planning begins for next week’s game.

Enjoy the season and all the Southern culture that is forever linked to college football!

Cal Bryant is Editor of the Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald and Gates County Index. He can be reached at or 252-332-7207. And, for those of you keeping score at home, he is a NC State fan…I know, I know; poor, poor pitiful Cal!