Tall tales from the South
Published 10:16 am Tuesday, August 11, 2009
You just gotta love folks from the South.
We’all (or, in southern terms, y’all; which means all of us) definitely have a way to put a spin on life.
Such was the case of the following e-mail I received last week from my good buddy Bobby “Keys” Eure. Perhaps one day I’ll write in this space how Bobby got his nickname.
The following are stories dealing with tall tales from the South. I hope you enjoy them as I did:
A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
“Where’s Henry,” the others asked.
“Henry had a stroke of some kind. He’s a couple of miles back up the trail,” the successful hunter replied.
“You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back,” they inquired.
“A tough call,” nodded the hunter. “But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!”
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, “You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everything but my earrings.”
A senior at a Louisiana school was overheard saying … “”When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana.”
When asked why, he replied, “I’d rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.”
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, “Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!”
Bubba replied, “Did you see who it was?”
The young man answered, “I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number.”
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, “I have a flat tire.”
The passerby asked, “But what’s with the flowers?”
The man responded, “When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither.”
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65.
The trooper asked, “Got any ID?” The driver replied, “Bout whut?”
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch.
The Sheriff asked, “Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign right over your head.”
“Yep””, he replied. “That’s why I dumpin it here, cause it says: ‘Fine For Dumping Garbage’.”
You can say what you want about the South, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving North.
Cal Bryant is Editor of the Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald and Gates County Index. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or 252-332-7207.