No joke…a comedian becomes a Senator

Published 12:07 pm Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Just tying up some loose ends as I clear my desk, and my mind, of the usual assortment of summertime clutter.

Were you one of the lucky ones to receive tickets to the Michael Jackson Public Memorial Service. In death, as in life, fans of the King of Pop are required to have a ticket in hand to witness this event, scheduled for 10 a.m. on July 7 at the STAPLES Center in Los Angeles.

According to published reports, more than 1.6 million fans registered for tickets. The bad news is that 1,592,250 of those that registered will be disappointed as only 8,750 will be admitted.

For those of you keeping score at home, I didn’t register.

One of the reasons I opted not to go the left coast for Jackson’s memorial service is I can’t afford the trip. We all know the economy is bad…so much to the point that here are some very visual indicators:

CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

I received a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

Hot Wheels and Match Box car companies are now trading higher than GM in the stock market.

McDonalds is now selling the quarter-ouncer.

People in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and are learning their children’s names.

The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.

People in Africa are donating money to Americans.

Motel 6 won’t leave the lights on.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

And the number one indicator that the economy is sour…If the bank returns your check marked as “insufficient funds,” you have to call them and ask if they meant you or them.

Saw this on the nightly news last week….Obama pitches healthcare plan.

The President said he wants to “reshape America’s medical landscape.” He added he wants to ensure that 50 million Americans currently without medical insurance have that luxury.

I take it that if the Prez wants such a plan to exist, it will be a government-operated program.

I say “no thanks.” I’ve seen government-run programs at their worst….ala housing, especially in the terms of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Why do you think we’re in an economic tailspin right now? Think back to the Clinton era (Bill, not Hillary) and two words…affordable housing.

What made last week’s sales pitch by the President even more intriguing, other than it lacked actual substance, was his audience. It was hand-picked and the “tough” questions came from a stacked deck.

Just another sham from our nation’s capitol controlled by Democrats who, by the way, added a real comedian…no joke, a comedian – Al Franken – to its growing army last week.

Cal Bryant is Editor of the Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald and Gates County Index. He can be reached at or 252-332-7207.