When men think they’re right…they’re usually wrong

Published 6:29 pm Saturday, May 16, 2009

During a trip to a local grocery store I over heard a conversation between a man and a woman.

They were methodically selecting watermelons from the store’s display utilizing the knocking technique on the rind in order to gauge the hollowness of the fruit.

The man gave a laugh once he found the right melon then turned to the woman, seemingly a stranger, and said: “Mine’s going to be better than yours.”

He then placed the watermelon in his cart and started to make his get away.

“You know why?” he turned to her. “Because men know how to pick a melon better than women—men are always right.”

The Don Imus of the grocery store then made a quick get away leaving the woman bewildered in a “Did he really just say that?” kind of way.

The comment made me want to chuck the tub of strawberries in my hands straight at his head, but instead I refrained at the thought of law enforcement possibly getting involved.

Instead as I passed the woman, who was still knocking away on the watermelons, I said: “He only thinks he’s right. Men think they’re right, but that doesn’t mean they are right.”

If I had the time, I could have given her a list of examples where men I’ve come across that were unbelievably, undeniably and unfathomably wrong.

Like the time when my two uncles thought it would be a good idea to mix eggnog with a karaoke machine at a Christmas family gathering.

Besides entertaining us with a well performed music selection, they deafened us and ultimately ruined anything by Elvis for anyone within earshot, which was quite possibly five miles away.

Here’s the wrong part of that idea, even if it seems like a good idea or the “right” idea and somehow alcohol is involved; if you’re anyone there’s a good chance you’re wrong.

However, if you’re a man, who suddenly believes he can croon like “The King” when “the drink” gives you a little courage, there’s a 100 percent chance that you are wrong.

Another “man” on my list would be this guy I used to know who loved skateboarding. While the love of the skateboard was there for him, the love wasn’t quite returned by the skateboard. He wasn’t very good at skateboarding, in fact, he was horrible.

But yet some how he wholeheartedly believed that he would be able to pull off any trick and always chose to do so in front of a group of girls.

There he would be on the highest point in the park trying to impress like the colorful, quirky bird of paradise—the only difference would be his lack of feathers and enthusiasm to dance.

As you might imagine, the endgame was always disastrous in the form of skin making contact with concrete.

The wrong part of his idea was that he was not some exotic bird from the Amazon Rainforest and if he had just tried to impress girls he was even mildly talented at, he may have gotten a better response.

Believe it or not, but women are more interested in men who have something in between their ears than those who rely on old-fashioned, rudimentary “I’m stronger than you” jibe.

So if you’re a guy who thinks he can sing (when you really can’t) or a guy who thinks he can skateboard (but can’t) or even a guy who thinks he can choose a watermelon while carrying on insulting, witty banter…there’s a good chance you’re wrong.

Amanda VanDerBroek is a Staff Writer for the Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald. For comments and column suggestions email: amanda.vanderbroek@r-cnews.com or call (252) 332-7209.