Let the ‘Lone Star’ be alone

Published 9:31 am Saturday, April 25, 2009

What happens when you mix politicians with boredom? You get the idea of Texas seceding from the rest of the nation.

Recently, Texas Governor Rick Perry hinted at the possibility of his state making like South Carolina circa 1860 and breaking away from the Union.

I say go ahead Gov. Perry, make my day.

I can see it all now on a map: Canada, the United States of America and in really big neon lights, The Lone Star (insert a glowing green cactus here). Gosh with that name I wouldn’t know whether to order a drink or check into my motel room.

Perry first raised the possibility of secession at an anti-tax tea party in Austin.

“There’s a lot of different scenarios,” Perry said to the Associated Press. “We’ve got a great union. There’s absolutely no reason to dissolve it. But if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, you know, who knows what might come out of that. But Texas is a very unique place, and we’re a pretty independent lot to boot.”

I’m not sure what’s more ironic, the fact his comment had the word “boot” in it (think cowboy boots) or the fact that the crowd at the tea party was yelling “Secede!” while waving the good ol’ U.S. flag.

Hey, if you want your state to secede, fine, but at least be polite about it and get your own flag.

I guess this all seems reasonable since Texas was, at one time, part of Mexico. After its independence was won it became the Republic of Texas. In 1845, a bill was passed allowing the annexation of Texas.

Though the annexation resolution has been historically seen as a treaty between sovereign states and Texas has a right to secede, it is not enumerated in the resolution.

It’s this 1845 action that those U.S. flag waving, pro-secession folks cling to while arguing their case for Texas to become independent once again.

But in all seriousness, think about it a United States without Texas.

It doesn’t seem to be all that bad; no more of those tawdry boots, no more hats measured by the gallons, no more of those weird armadillos, no more “howdy” and, unfortunately, no half-naked cowboys featured in calendars.

Perhaps best of all, if Gov. Perry sets one foot across foreign lines without proper documentation, one word: DEPORTATION.

If by some chance the stars align just right, the moon falls into the sun, the oceans start to boil and Texas actually becomes a nation, our Multimedia Manager here at the News-Herald has boldly nominated Chuck Norris for President.

In all its glorious ludicrousness, the idea of Texas seceding from the Union is just out right sad. We’re a nation of 50 united states, which is unique in itself.

If you don’t like it, then maybe you need to be that nation named after a cheap bar.

Amanda VanDerBroek is a Staff Writer for the Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald. For comments and column suggestions email: amanda.vanderbroek@r-cnews.com or call (252) 332-7209.