Life explained…pure and simple

Published 8:03 am Tuesday, April 21, 2009

He may not know if his car keys are in his pocket, but Bobby Eure is a world-class philosopher.

The former Ahoskie Police officer turned Ahoskie High School Apartments site supervisor – not to mention amateur golfer – regularly fills my e-mail in-box with interesting little bits of information.

I wish I had the space in this newspaper to share Bobby’s words of wisdom, but alas we just don’t have that much free cash lying around to purchase enough newsprint to accomplish that task.

So, for today, I’ll share one of Bobby’s recent e-mails with the readers of this column. It was simply entitled, “Life Explained.” Hope you enjoy it was much as I did.

On the first day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”

The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?”

So God agreed……

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”

The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?”

And God agreed……

On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”

The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years…how about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”

And God agreed again……

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”

But the human said, “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”

“Okay,” said God. “You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I’m doing it as a public service.

Thanks, Bobby, I now understand the meaning of life. I can’t wait for the part to do tricks like a monkey and entertain the grandkids.

Cal Bryant is Editor of the Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald and Gates County Index. He can be reached at or 252-332-7207. And, yes, he’s still alive after last week’s column, “The secret to a happy marriage,” even though some out there, not his wife, took it way too seriously.