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Here are some extra vows

As some of you may already know, I’ll be getting married this Saturday. With the wedding only two days away, I know this is the time when I should be getting nervous, but to be honest with you I’m just incredibly excited.

My fiancée, Dawn, and I have been friends for quite some time now and unbeknownst to me, at some point over the last year she became my best friend. I can think of no better person with which to spend the rest of my life than the woman I am head over flip-flops in love with, especially when it means living with my best friend.

Since our engagement in December, we have reviewed and chosen wedding vows for the upcoming ceremony. I must admit that they are simple yet beautiful and an excellent choice. Having read over them a few times however, they seem to be missing a few things.

The vows we chose have all of the important stuff, honesty and faithfulness, devotion and etcetera. Again…all important things, but let’s be honest here. For a marriage to last, you need to commit to more than not lying or cheating.

So Dawn, here are my updated vows to you. I hope they make you smile that smile I love.

I hereby vow to never root for Michigan, under any circumstances. Even if they are playing Dook or NC Farmers College I will root for a double disqualification or at best a tie.

I hereby vow to never throw my wet towel on the floor, especially carpeted floor. I know the mere thought of this gives you the willies and nightmares of mildew and other bacteria growth.

I hereby vow to never retaliate when you hit me during Red Wings games. I know you get excited and your swinging arms and fists in my direction are more of a reflex than intentional assault and battery.

I hereby vow to never send you roses. I know this is a pet peeve of yours. You will get daisies and tulips and such, but never roses. You say roses are for caskets and that just doesn’t seem very romantic to me.

I hereby vow not to make too much fun of your Detroit Tigers. I can’t promise to never make fun of them because…well, c’mon…they are the Tigers. I will however try to limit the teasing. Feel free to continue bashing my 26-time World Champion Yankees.

I hereby vow to yell IO when you yell OH so long as you agree to yell Heels when I yell Tar. This seems like a fair and equal trade, allowing us to support each other yet save face when among our state and team faithful.

I hereby vow to always load the toilet paper so that it rolls off the top. I recognize that this is the proper way for toilet paper to be loaded and nothing else is acceptable.

I hereby vow to love, cherish, adore and appreciate you every day. I will also remember that these are not only feelings, but verbs that should be acted out, forever and always.

Thank you for being you. Thank God for you being with me.

I’d like to hear from you. If you agree or disagree with my opinion on something, have an idea for a column topic or just want to let me know someone is reading this every once in awhile please e-mail me. My address is dave@gate811.net.