I definitely hope that you are not like me and have finished your Christmas shopping.

Breaking tradition, I failed to take my normal shopping day two Saturdays ago and, due to a butt load of work here at the office (putting together 12 pages of Christmas greetings/Santa letters is no easy task), could not make it to the mall on Dec. 20 either.

Therefore, I’m sitting here on a cold Monday morning (Dec. 22) at 7 a.m. hammering away on this keyboard in an effort to bang out a column and think of how in the world I’m going to squeeze four days of work into two days and somehow balance in Christmas shopping at the same time.

I refuse to go shopping on Christmas Eve. The only way I would consider doing that would be someone putting a gun to my head.

So, with that, it looks like Tuesday night, after work, I’ll hop inside the old Ranger pick’em-up truck and set forth on the Christmas gift adventure.

But what if the shelves have been plucked bare by those who shop early? What do I do with limited choices? What if I actually have to shop? Yikes!

Perhaps I’ll be forced to purchase an item such as Sudoku Toilet Roll Paper. We all know that having a “sit down” on the toilet can be a time consuming and boring process. Some people read, others sing. Why not pass that time by playing Sudoku with your “striking” paper? It’s the perfect gift for the person who has everything!

How ‘bout a dozen Ice Shot Glasses. They’re now all the rage at pubs and clubs. In a nutshell, these neat little items are nothing more than a mold that you fill with water, pop in the freezer and – wham, bam – a frozen glass that you can use to serve up anything liquid…as long as it’s not hot coffee, if you know what I mean.

Perhaps my brother would like a “Dress For Dinner Napkin.” That’s right, for the guy who likes to wear a tie for dinner (well, that’s really not my brother’s style…but what the heck, it’s a gift, ain’t it) nothing is more practical than this handy item.

A recent study performed by researchers at the Institute of Laundry Science revealed that 45% of all men stain their neckties when they eat. Most likely you, too, have ruined a favorite necktie with a splash of marinara sauce or a drip of Bordeaux. We’ve all tried tucking a napkin into our shirt, but this technique saps our dignity. We may as well be wearing a baby’s bib as we try to impress our date/wife/significant other.

“Dress For Dinner Napkins” is a brilliant solution to the problem. They’re high-quality paper napkins with neckties printed on them. So when you tuck it into you shirt collar, it looks like you’re wearing a stylish tie.

You get 20, 3-ply napkins in each package and there are four different necktie designs. Perhaps we should consider choosing a tie that matches the food we’re likely to splash on it.

If all else fails, perhaps a simple gift card will suffice. I just need to make sure it’s not one from a retail outlet considering bankruptcy.

Merry Christmas…Happy Hanukkah…Blissful Kwanzaa to one and all!

(Cal Bryant is the Editor of the Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald and Gates County Index. He can be reached at cal.bryant@r-cnews.com or 252-332-7207.)