2028 – the year in review

Published 4:24 pm Monday, September 22, 2008

A couple of years back I penned a column that peered into the future….now is a good time for a follow-up.

What do you think the world will be like 20 years from now? Who, or what, will be making the headlines? I’ll be more than happy to look into my crystal ball and supply the answers.

Here’s what I see as the top news stories in 2028:

Former United States President John McCain dies at the age of 92.

Hurricane Chavez destroys off-shore platforms owned by P&R Oil (Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid).

Battery acid from electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formally known as California.

The season’s top-rated game show is “Who Wants to Sue a Billionaire” – hosted by Regis Philbin Jr.

Baby conceived naturally….scientists stumped.

Scientists remained stumped as intelligent life is found in Chapel Hill.

While in Chapel Hill, banner hung in Dean Dome to commemorate 10 millionth box of popcorn sold.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

$200 million Ahoskie Bypass finally closes due to lack of traffic. DOT denies it was a bad idea to start with.

Pulitzer Prize officials strip Al Gore of his 2007 award as Global Warming never occurs.

Gates County Manager Colleen Turner retires. Petition begins to rename county seat, Turnerville.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

The Postal Service raises price of a first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

Eighty-five-year, $75.8 billion study reveals diet and exercise are the keys to weight loss.

Major League Baseball franchises awarded to the Moon Craters and the Mars Marauders.

Camera is invented with such a fast shutter speed it can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

After third unsuccessful bid for the White House, Barack Hussein Obama retires from political life.

The EyePod is all the rage. Users can send mental messages just by staring at an individual.

Castro finally dies at age 112. Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

National news media still attempting to discredit Sarah Palin.

Land Transfer Tax defeated again in Gates County.

North Carolina Governor DuPont Davis moves State Fair to Atlantic District Fairgrounds.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Town of Murfreesboro officials announce fifth motel to open on bypass.

Fire at Windsor Radisson contained to 45th floor.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with a congressman.

Elizabeth City oceanfront amusement park opens.

English recognized as America’s third official language.

Michael Jackson undergoes sex, gender transformation. He is once again a black male.

Tiger Woods designs 18-hole championship golf course at Ahoskie Creek Recreational Complex.

Speaking from a cave, Osama Bin Laden says, “Death to America (some things never change).

Cal Bryant is the Editor of the Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald and Gates County Index. He can be reached at cal.bryant@r-cnews.com or at 252-332-7207.