In celebration of the double nickel#8217; By Cal Bryant 06/24/2008 What do I have in common with a speed limit sign? We#8217;re both 55. This past Sunday (June 22) marked my 55th year on this Earth. T
Published 12:00 am Tuesday, June 24, 2008
What do I have in common with a speed limit sign?
We’re both 55.
This past Sunday (June 22) marked my 55th year on this Earth. There was no major party at the Bryant homestead to mark the occasion. As a matter of fact, I did what I normally do on any Sunday….I put in a full day’s work at the newspaper office.
What celebration there was occurred on Saturday. After catching up on my yard work, I took about a one-hour break and then grilled steaks for Deborah, Danielle and myself. I opened gifts from the two ladies in my life and then settled back into my recliner and watched the College World Series game between UNC and Fresno State.
About the only reminiscing I did over the weekend was to think that in 10 years I’ll be able to retire.
That thought was scarier than looking at myself in a mirror.
Some say that age is only a state of mind. I guess that’s right. I’m trying to convince my mind that I’m 20 years younger, but my body isn’t buying in to that notion.
But I can dream, can’t I? I simply close my eyes and visualize a high school kid in size 26 blue jeans; a tee-shirt that doesn’t stop at my naval and a head full of thick, jet black hair. Reality sets in when I open my eyes and peer towards the floor – ye gads, where are my feet?
But with age comes wisdom, even though I can’t remember it all. With that said, here are a few things I’ve learned in 55 years:
* There’s more room out than in.
* We don’t need Nike to tell us to, &uot;Just Do It.&uot; If something needs to be done, then just do it.
* There’s nothing better than the love of a loyal dog. Dogs don’t get mad when you look at another dog.
* When a woman says no, she means no. When a woman says yes, she means no.
* Never forget the previous pair of facts.
* The secret to success is as follows: At age 4, not peeing in your pants; at age 12, having friends; at age 16, having a driver’s license; at age 20, having sex; at age 35, having money; at age 50, having even more money; at age 60, having sex; at age 70, having a driver’s license; at age 75, having friends; and at age 90, success is not peeing in your pants.
* Here’s what I’ve learned about computers: State-of-the-art means a computer I can’t afford; obsolete means the computer I own; a keyboard is a device used to create computer errors; and a mouse is an advanced device used to make errors easier to generate.
* Never express an opinion, nobody wants to hear it anyway.
* Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
* Football is life.
* To women – you can either ask a man to do something or tell us how you want it done. Please, pick just one; you can’t have both.
* If you get an envelope from a company called the Internal Revenue Service, please, do not open it. This group operates a scam, claiming you owe them money. They claim to use that money to pay for the operation of essential functions of the United States government. These scam artists have bilked honest, hard working Americans out of billions of dollars. Don’t be among them!
* Men do not need to stop and ask for directions when traveling. We always look to our hero – Columbus. He didn’t know where he was heading and things turned out pretty good for him, now didn’t they?
I would share more on my observations of life, but I’m tired and in need of a nap. Wake me up in time to write next week’s column.
Cal Bryant is the Editor of the Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald and Gates County Index. He can be reached at 252-332-7207 or firstname.lastname@example.org.