Jesus Christ and George Bush

Published 12:00 am Thursday, June 12, 2008

&uot;You can’t fix stupid.&uot;

That has to be one of my all-time favorite quotes.

Comedian Ron White might be a jerk, but he’s definitely a funny jerk.

It’s so true – there really is no cure for stupidity.

You either are, or you aren’t.

You can’t teach someone not to be an idiot.

So since you can’t teach, why not laugh?

Reading about the dumb things people do never ceases to amuse me.

Today I read the story of a man who was arrested for drunk driving.

Well, drunk driving is obviously pretty idiotic in and of itself, but this guy did it twice… within a two-hour period.

(Apparently he liked the whole being-arrested experience.

Sounds like fun, right?)

Needless to say, the second time he was sent to county jail instead of being sent home with a family member.

Then there were the 330 high school graduates in Ohio who received proof of their &uot;educaiton&uot; on their high school diplomas… for that’s the way the word was spelled.

(Hope they don’t have to show those diplomas to potential employers!)

A couple of weeks ago, a 17-year-old girl arrested for drunk driving told police that she hadn’t really been drinking, but rather had been kissing someone who was drunk.

(Must be some really potent saliva to give her a 0.15 blood alcohol level, right?)

Also, the empty beer cans in her purse might have been a good indication of her not telling the truth.

(Oops, forgot those were there!)

In New Hampshire, a young man using a stolen credit card left a pretty good clue as to his identity – a newly filled out application for a job that included his full name, social security number and home address.

(I don’t know why, but something makes me think that when he is contacted, it won’t be for a job.)

Reuters reported that an Italian couple caught having sex in the confessional box at a Catholic church during morning mass was granted forgiveness by the local bishop this week.

A lawyer for the couple said that they had been drinking all night and weren’t fully cognizant of their actions.

(Um, silly lawyer, wouldn’t the drinking make it worse, not better?

And I wonder where they went to make that confession… did he allow them back in the same box or what?)

But wait… I saved the best for last.

My own personal favorite is the story of the naked guy from Alabama.

This weekend a motorist in Birmingham spotted a nude man standing in the middle of a highway.

Police picked him up and noted that he appeared intoxicated.

When they put him in handcuffs he told them that he was &uot;Jesus Christ and George Bush&uot; and that the handcuffs wouldn’t hold him.

(Not surprising that they apparently did and he is now sitting in the county jail… In the words of my co-worker Amanda VanDerBroek, George Bush and Satan might have been believable, but George Bush and Jesus?

No way!)

Jennipher Dickens is a Staff Writer for the Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald.

She can be reached via email at: or by calling (252) 332-7208.