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Women are better at fantasy football

Life as we know it has ceased.

The sky is falling.

The apocalypse is upon us.

Those were my thoughts last Tuesday when I checked my ESPN fantasy football team and found out the unthinkable had happened. I lost.

Not only did I lose (I’ve done that quite a bit this year), but I lost to my co-worker Jennipher Dickens.

For any of you who know me well, you will not be surprised by the fact that my big mouth got me into trouble n again.

Those with good memories may recall that a couple of years ago I made a bet with Catherine Outten of Lawrence Academy about the outcome of the Duke n North Carolina football game. I lost.

Having had to author a column about 10 reasons Carolina was the number one team in the country, one might have thought I would have learned my lesson. Alas, no.

So here I am three years later about to tell you why women are superior at fantasy football.

When we started our 16-team league this year, Jennipher wanted to be in the same division as me, claiming that she would win the division and thus embarrass the sports editor of the newspaper.

I scoffed. I laughed. I ridiculed. I jeered.

So confident was I that I would have no problem winning, I proposed a bet. My winnings were simple, she would have to author a column called, “Why women shouldn’t play fantasy football.”

Now, before my female readers resort to violence, rest assured I know some women know as much or more about football than men. Jennipher is not among those women. She’s good at basketball, softball and baseball, but doesn’t know a goal line stand from a lunar eclipse.

Anyway, as of Tuesday, November 20, I was defeated by Jennipher in a close contest. I lost 133-132.

As my co-worker Patrick Bryant pointed out, it doesn’t matter if it’s one or 100. He should know; Jennipher beat him by 26 this week.

One thing we all have to give Jennipher credit for is that she learned quickly about the workings of fantasy football, which is based on trends and numbers and not about the wins and losses of the National Football League.

When the season began, I was almost setting her roster for her. Over the past 12 weeks, she quickly learned not only to make decisions about starting players, but picking up players on waivers and making smart trades.

Last year, I made the playoffs in our league and had one of the best records of anyone in the group. I thought I was beginning to master the art of fantasy football.

Unfortunately for me, the point of this column seems to be true. Last year Heather Odom won our league championship and this year Jennipher beat both Patrick and me.

For those who are interested, we also have Donna Jenkins playing this year. She and Jennipher are tied for the lead in my division and one of the two of them will make the playoffs while former Sports Columnist David Friedman and I will be on the outside looking in.

What it boils down to is this: I have learned two things this fantasy football season.

The first is that, evidently, women are better than me at fantasy football. The second is, never, ever make a bet when you don’t want to face the consequences of losing.

Questions? Comments? Snide remarks? All are welcome.

You can reach me at thadd.white@r-cnews.com or call me at 332-7211.

Good night, thank you for reading and may your God go with you.