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Test designed for R-C area drivers

Every now and then an event will occur that jumpstarts my brain into thinking about something stored within that vast, empty space.

Just the other day I was rehashing a near-accident I had while traveling on NC 11 between Lewiston and Oak City. Some imbecile attempted to pass two cars in a blind curve and I just happen to be in his way.

I steered by trusty Ford pick’em-up truck out of harm’s way just in the nick of time while mumbling a few expletives under my breath.

It was just another case of the driving habits of motorists here in the Roanoke-Chowan area….no concern for anyone but themselves.

With that thought in mind, my brain pointed me back to a column I penned in 2002. It was then that I devised a test for complete idiots who, through either the grace of God or by a fluke, somehow managed to obtain their driver’s license.

In lieu of my observations, past and present, of how dumb some drivers are, here’s the test to see if you are smart enough to obtain your Roanoke-Chowan driver’s license:

1. On a two-lane highway, broken yellow lines are used to separate travel lanes moving in opposite directions. If that yellow line becomes solid on one or both lanes of travel, that signifies:

A. No passing is allowed.

B. It’s a magnet to attract possums to the center line.

C. Passing is permitted of one or more cars at a high rate speed. If another motorist is headed in the opposite direction, it’s just fine to run ’em off the road while hanging your head out the window and shouting obscenities.

2. If you see a sign containing a curved arrow pointing to the left with a red circle around it and one red line running diagonally through the circle, this means:

A. No left turn.

B. It’s okay to turn left if you are wearing red clothing.

C. It’s just fine to back-up traffic for miles while you’re waiting to make a left turn.

3. A sign with green lettering that reads, Reserved Parking, with a blue emblem in the middle resembling a person in a wheelchair means:

A. No vehicles can park in this space; it’s reserved only for blue wheelchairs.

B. Parking is permitted for only those who display a handicapped placard on their rearview mirror or who display a handicapped license plate.

C. It means young, physically strong drivers can drive their arthritic grandmother’s car to the shopping center and park in the prime spots close to the stores.

4. Unless otherwise posted, the speed limit on open roads in North Carolina is 55 mph. Other than the speedometer reading, how can a driver tell if he or she is abiding by the 55 mph rule?

A. There are enough vehicles stacked up behind you to open a huge used car lot.

B. There’s a State Highway Patrol trooper in your rearview mirror.

C. There’s a newspaper reporter by the name of Cal Bryant behind you and he’s late for a meeting.

5. While on the subject of following vehicles in the same lane of travel, what is the safest distance to place between yourself and the car directly ahead?

A. 200 feet

B. 500 feet

C. Close enough to identify the brand of cologne worn by the driver in the lead car.

6. The straight lever extending from the left-hand side of the steering column is used for what purpose?

A. Signaling a left or right turn.

B. To hang your spare set of keys.

C. To rest your left hand while talking on the cell phone with your right hand and steering the vehicle with your knee.

7. Traffic signals carry three colors – green (proceed) and red (stop). What’s the meaning of a yellow light?

A. Slow down and use caution.

B. Jimmy Spencer and Kevin Harvick have crashed in turn two.

C. Downshift to second gear and depressed the accelerator until your toes touch the radiator.

8. At what time of the day should a driver switch on their headlights?

A. Sunset.

B. A half-hour prior to sunset.

C. By the start of the 10 p.m. news on FOX.

9. You are stopped at a stop sign, preparing to make a left-hand turn. A vehicle is coming from your right, less than 50 yards away. You should:

A. Wait for the vehicle to pass by, check for other oncoming traffic and then make your turn.

B. Hurriedly pull out in front of the oncoming car and immediately increase your speed.

C. Hurriedly pull out in front of the oncoming car, immediately slow to 15 mph and travel approximately one-quarter mile before turning left (with no signal) into a private driveway (while, of course, waiting for 25 vehicles traveling in the opposite direction.)

10. Police cars, ambulances, fire trucks and rescue vehicles using flashing lights and/or sirens are always entitled the right-of-way. When approaching or being approached by one of these vehicles you should:

A. Drive immediately to the right-hand edge of the road, stop completely and wait for the emergency vehicle to safely pass.

B. Begin to madly throw your illegal stash out the window.

C. Pull over and let the emergency vehicle pass and then follow it to the scene of the accident or fire, making sure to get in the way of emergency personnel attempting to perform their jobs.

If your answer was &uot;C&uot; to all 10 questions; congratulations, you have just been rewarded with your Roanoke-Chowan area driving license!