All the TV news fit to print

Published 12:00 am Friday, July 6, 2007

Watching the news on television often makes me roll my eyes in disgust.

I usually react this way because of the format of the news shows that often build the hype like a preview for the latest Hollywood blockbuster.

While I do believe in reporting the news, I detest the sensationalism that can turn a story into an unnecessary focal point in our lives. Exhibit one, Paris Hilton going to jail.

But more frequently it’s the new stories that get the same response.

This past week was no different as I took in my weekly dose of T.V. news. From Scooter to Britney there was plenty this week to distract me from the reporters’ big hair and bizarre names.

Over the past few days I have kept a log of what has driven me near the edge of insanity.

Monday: Scooter scoots the slammer

In a perfect world I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby would be doing “hard time” like Paris Hilton did.

Perhaps, Paris should observe and learn.

See, when you have the President of the United States on your side, things can be a little different.

Little ol’ Paris thought she could get a pardon from a robot–the Governor of California “Ah-nold” Schwarzenegger.

In case you have not heard by now, Scooter, former aide to Vice President Dick Cheney, Bush administration “fall guy” and namesake of someone’s grandparents’ Schnauzer, has received clemency from President George W. Bush.

Big surprise.

Scooter had been sentenced to 30 months in jail after a federal jury found Libby guilty March 6 on charges that he lied to the FBI and a grand jury and obstructed justice in the investigation into the leak of the identity of a former covert CIA operative, Valerie Plame.

Bush said in a statement placed on the White House’s web site: “I respect the jury’s verdict. But I have concluded that the prison sentence given to Mr. Libby is excessive. Therefore, I am commuting the portion of Mr. Libby’s sentence that required him to spend thirty months in prison.”

And just like that Bush waves his hands in a Harry Potter fashion and Scoot doesn’t have to worry about rooming with a guy named “Bubba” for the next two and a half years.

While not a full blown pardon, it seems Bush is somewhat cushioning the blow for Scooter. Why? One can only ponder.

It kind of reminds me of that scene when Paris sashayed her way out of jail into her mother’s bosom just like any two year old would take comfort in.

Now only if we could dress Scooter in a sage and white trimmed Petro Zilla jacket and blonde wig, then make him run into the arms of Bush to reenact the whole shindig.

It all makes me wonder why I don’t see mobs of people storming the White House or inundating the Capital with emails.

Wednesday: Lucky 07-07-07 mania

Blah! Yeah, yeah we know basketball player Tony Parker and actress Eva Longoria are getting married this weekend, notably on July 7, 2007 aka 07-07-07.

Yes, that’s three sevens and no, you do not win anything.

And about 400 million other superstitious couples are doing the same thing. Fashion faux pas on your part, Tony and Eva.

Not only are couples planning to wed on this day, others who are in the “family way” are planning c-.

With the divorce rate in the country at an all time high, why not take a gamble on the very thing most people say is sacred, but don’t treat as sacred. It just fits with the theme.

Even though I’ve always had a small belief in numerology, whether or not there is validity to the whole theory—I’m not sure.

However, I’m guessing having a successful marriage takes a whole lot more than getting married on a particular day.

I just may believe in numerology even more if Tony and Eva decide to get divorced after seven months of marriage.

Friday: Britney takes “rolls” seriously

Finally, Britney Spears is taking something seriously—even if she can not spell it.

Just when the United States needed proof that we need to step it up with education, enter stage left: Britney.

In this statement where she apologizes for pummeling a SUV with an umbrella, Britney seems to get her “rolls” and “roles” mixed up.

“I apologize to the pap (paparazzi) for a stunt that was done 4 months ago regarding an umbrella. I was preparing my character for a roll (sic) in a movie where the husband never plays his part so they switch places accidentally,” a statement posted on her web site said. “I take all my rolls very seriously and got a little carried away. Unfortunately I didn’t get the part.

It shocks me she can spell “unfortunately” and “regarding” correctly, but spelling “role” and “roles” is just a little too tough.

I’m not sure if she had Pillsbury Dinner rolls on the brain or if some one forgot to take the vodka bottle away before she started typing, but whatever the reason at least she didn’t place her son in the gorilla exhibit at a local zoo.

I guess you have to start somewhere, even if you’re Britney.

In the meantime, at least it seems she knows what end of the baby is up.

God only knows what CNN will have for me next week.