It#8217;s a road full of crazies

Published 12:00 am Friday, January 5, 2007

The drive to work on New Years Day was a dream. The road was clear and the only vehicle I came upon was a truck that was going the opposite way.

After last weekend that was about all the traffic I wanted to see.

Since my mom and aunt are visiting for the holidays, we decided to drive back to Charlotte to collect the rest of my furniture from my old apartment and sign off on my lease.

In the five hour trip down we saw enough drivers that were in desperate need of a defensive driving course to fill the Mall of America’s parking lot.

On the return trip we saw no less of the kind, since we had to deal with a good amount of holiday traffic and accidents. One accident was a five car pile up, which happened in front of me simply because no one was paying attention to the driver ahead of them.

Is it me, or are motorists now days completely inept? The more I drive, the more I come upon people who boggle my mind with how they even obtained their license.

It’s just a road full of crazies out there.

There is a part of me that doesn’t want to believe it is complete incompetence on some driver’s part. Perhaps it’s just impatience or just lack of respect for their fellow motorists.

But I have come to the conclusion that there are seven kinds of drivers that make the rest of us go insane.

The first is the driver that drives at a snail’s pace. You know, the person who some how cannot find the gas pedal.

The slow driver must have all the time in the world to get where they’re going.

Their average speed generally falls between 20 and 45 mph in a 55 mph speed zone. The strange thing about these drivers is as soon as they enter a slower speed zone they suddenly find that missing gas pedal.

The next driver is the fast driver. This is the car that seems to zero in from a distance and then suddenly attaches itself to your back bumper as if there is a huge vacuum on it.

When they pass you they give you a longing look like you’re impertinent. You have some how hindered them from breaking the sound barrier or winning the Daytona 500.

The driver who doesn’t use their turn signal is a personal favorite of mine, because I love not knowing where the person ahead of me is going or why they’re hitting their brakes.

It gives driving an air of suspense.

These are the people who must think that ESP runs rampant in the human population.

Sure, everyone knows where you are going. In fact, I had a vision of it last week while I was watching “Medium”.

Or how about the person who waits until it’s too late to merge into oncoming traffic.

They linger until the merging lane is a quarter of an inch wide before they decide they probably should get over.

Then, of course, you have the distracted driver. The driver who is talking on the cell phone, changing the radio station, putting on eyeliner and doing a million other things.

Certainly these tasks cannot wait until the driver pulls over they must be done in the car while it’s moving at 65 mph. They’re just simply too important.

It always makes me want to shout, “I know your busy finding the cure for cancer and all, but could you find some time to actually operate your vehicle?”

It is a busy world we live in. Most drivers don’t have the time to wait for another car to pass when they can pull out in front of them when they’re 200 feet away.

And last, but not least we have the rubber necks. Rubber necks are classically bad drivers. Though they fit into the distracted driver category, these drivers are worthy enough to have their own.

Their heads turn to look at every last thing on the road and just as that one thing gets out of sight their head snaps back and their eyes fix on something new. It’s like a sparrow to something shiny.

It always makes me wonder what is so interesting.

I’m sure to a certain degree everyone is a terrible driver, whether they’re one of the kinds of drivers I listed or not.

But sometimes people need to be reminded that manners are not just for the dinner table.