Equal time to the fairer sex
Published 12:00 am Thursday, January 19, 2006
Never let it be said that I’m not an equal opportunity journalist.
While she did not offer any reason, I’m thinking an email I received last week from a friend in Northampton County was an indirect response to my column (Thursday, Jan. 12) on why it’s great being a man.
Her e-mail alluded to what she conceived as the notion that men are totally lost when it comes to brain power. She apparently is under the opinion that we men cannot come to a logical conclusion on our own.
Well, Miss Know-It-All, I am proud to say that I am a stand-alone thinker. I think and act upon my logical conclusions in the way my wife tells me.
So, without further ado, here is my friend’s response to last week’s column:
Due to overwhelming interest, registration will be extended for winter classes for men at the Learning Center for Adults. Note: Due to the complexity and difficulty level of their contents, class sizes will be limited to a maximum of eight participants.
“How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays.” Step by step instructions with a slide presentation. Class meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday, for 2 hours each beginning at 7 p.m.
“The Toilet Paper Roll — Does It Change Itself?” Round table discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturdays at 12 noon for 2 hours.
“Is It Possible To Use the Bathroom, Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?” Group practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10 p.m., for 2 hours.
“Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor.” Pictures and explanatory graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2 p.m. for 3 weeks.
“After Dinner Dishes — Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?” Examples on video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday, for 2 hours beginning at 7 p.m.
“Loss Of Identity — Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.”
Help line support and support groups. Meets 4 weeks, Friday and Sunday, at 7 p.m.
“Learning How To Find Things — Starting With Looking In The Right Places and Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.” –
Open forum at 8 p.m. for 2 hours on Mondays.
“Health Watch — Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.” Graphics and audio tapes. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7 p.m. for 2 hours.
“Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost — Real Life Testimonials.” Tuesdays at 6 p.m. at a location to be determined.
“Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?” Driving simulations.
Meets for 4 weeks, Saturdays at noon for 2 hours.
“Learning to Live — Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.” Online classes and role-playing. Tuesdays at 7 p.m. Location to be determined.
“How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion; Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.” Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday, for 2 hours beginning at 7 p.m.
“How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy — Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You’re Going To Be Late.”
Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies offered. Three nights: Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7 p.m. for 2 hours.
“The Stove/Oven — What It Is and How It Is Used.” Live demonstrations will be offered on Tuesdays at 6 p.m. at a location to be determined.
Note: Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
Cal’s final note: Hardy..har..har..har!! But yet it was still funny.