Can’t teach an old dog new math
Published 12:00 am Thursday, January 19, 2006
With all the cares and worries of this world, one thing stands clear n children can give us a good chuckle and change our outlook.
With several things pressing on my mind this week, I found I needed a lighter mood and found one with these. Hope it brightens your day too.
My wife told our 5-year-old to put on clean underwear everyday, and he did just as he was told. At the end of the week, he had on five pairs.
A little boy was taken to the dentist. It was discovered that he had a cavity that would have to be filled. &uot;Now, young man,&uot; asked the dentist, &uot;what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?&uot; &uot;Chocolate, please,&uot; replied the youngster.
A daughter’s fifth-grade class had been studying astronomy. One morning at breakfast she announced, &uot;On Friday we’re having a quiz on the moon.&uot; That’s when her little brother piped up, &uot;Are you gonna let her go, Mom?&uot;
A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park. Her mother was touched by the child’s kindness, and gave her the required sum. &uot;There you are, my dear,&uot; said the mother. &uot;But, tell me, isn’t the lady able to work?&uot; &uot;Oh yes,&uot; came the reply. &uot;She sells candy.&uot;
A little boy was showings his family’s photo album to the baby sitter. He pointed out a nice picture of his whole family, and she complimented him on how handsome he looked. He shook his head and said, &uot; My mom doesn’t like it at all. She said she wants to have it blown up.&uot;
Catching her in the act, the grandmother confronted her 3-year-old granddaughter. &uot;Are you eating your little sister’s grapes?&uot; &uot;No,&uot; the 3-year-old innocently replied, &uot;I’m helping her share.&uot;
A teacher gave her fourth-grade students the beginning of a list of famous sayings and asked them to provide original endings for each one. Here are some examples of what they submitted:
As you make your bed so shall you…..Mess it up.
Better be safe than…..Punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the…..Bug is close.
Don’t bite the hand that…..Looks dirty.
A miss is as good as a…..Mister.
You can’t teach an old dog new…..Math.
The pen is mightier than the…..Pigs.
Happy the bride who…..Gets all the presents.
A penny saved is…..Not worth much.
Two’s company, three’s…..The Musketeers.
Where there’s smoke, there’s…..Pollution.
Children should be seen and not…..Spanked or grounded.
A rolling stone…..Plays the guitar.
A bird in the hand is…..A real mess.
No news is…..No newspaper.
It’s better to light one candle than to…..Waste electricity.
It’s always darkest just before…..I open my eyes.
You have nothing to fear but….homework.
Never put off ’til tomorrow what you…..Should have done yesterday.
Never underestimate the power of…..Termites.
If you lie down with the dogs…..You’ll stink in the morning.
The squeaking wheel gets…..Annoying.
We have nothing to fear but…..Our principal.
To err is human…..To eat a muskrat is not.
I think, therefore I…..Get a headache.
Better to light a candle than to…..Light an explosive.
Early to bed and early to rise…..Is first in the bathroom.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a…..Blister.
There is nothing new under the…..Bed.
The grass is always greener…..When you leave the sprinkler on.
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and…..Someone yells, &uot;
You can lead a horse to water but…..How?
If at first you don’t succeed…..Get new batteries.
Have a great weekend and look for the funny side.