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Published 12:00 am Saturday, August 20, 2005
I love infomercials.
You’ve all seen them, the late night hour-long commercials for the most ridiculous products and gadgets ever created.
I know I can’t believe everything I see on television, still somehow I always find myself budgeting 3 easy payments of $19.99 into my future.
Can you blame me though?
I mean…be honest, who doesn’t need a knife that can cut through a shoe.
I’ll admit, since I purchased my Miracle Blades a little over a year ago I have yet to find myself toe to toe (excuse the pun) in a battle to the death with a pair of shoes.
However if my Nikes ever get out of line I at least know I’m prepared for the worst.
Another one of my favorites is the super chopper or whatever it’s called.
I know what your wondering, exactly how much do I chop that I need to buy a chopper.
That’s the beauty of the super chopper or whatever it’s called, it does much more than chop.
It chops, blends, grinds, mixes, whips, stirs and baby-sits.
It can even turn concrete into dust.
I don’t know about you, but if I had to turn concrete into dust I don’t have a single kitchen appliance that could handle the job.
Plus it comes with a free set of Miracle Blade steak knives.
With a sweet deal like that, everybody should own a super chopper or whatever it’s called.
How about the car wax that can make your 15-year-old Geo Prizm sparkle like a new Lexus?
That may seem like a bit of an exaggeration but you wouldn’t feel that way if you had seen the commercial.
Next time your up at 3:30 on a Tuesday night you should check it out.
It’s even fire resistant, which could come in very handy the next time your driving along and your car suddenly bursts into flames.
Looking to get healthier?
Forget joining the gym, everything you need to get the body of your dreams is in the Total Gym Big Number.
With over 5000 separate exercises that can be used to pinpoint target areas such as your biceps or pinkie fingers, you could find yourself with a body just like (insert broke has-been actor or actress name here).
You have got to love technology.
Through the power of television you may never have to leave your house again.
All you need to be happy and successful can be found on your TV past midnight for the low low price of a number and 99 cents.
I’d like to hear from you. If you agree or disagree with my opinion on something, have an idea for a column topic or just want to let me know someone out there is reading this then please e-mail me. My address is email@example.com. See ya in the sports section next week!