Wild, wacky world

Published 12:00 am Saturday, June 18, 2005

So let’s see if I’ve got this straight: Two PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) workers have been arrested for absconding with lovable dogs and cats, ending their lives in the back of a van, and tossing them away as garbage in an Ahoskie dumpster. Of course these two individuals are just charged with these crimes and are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law…but what the heck is this?

I think it’s safe to say that most people think that PETA is a bunch of whacked out doofi (I’m making up words again: doofi=plural of doofus) who think the chicken, pork and beef industries are equally or more evil than the Nazi Holocaust, and the Cambodian and Rwandan genocides. They are the &uot;swift boat&uot; bozos who terrorize people wearing fur, leather and other clothing products made from animal skins or pelts. They are the people who ruin a good circus for kids who want to see the elephants dance a jig in the center ring. They are the people who claim we meat eaters are morally repugnant degenerates who are not fit to breathe the same as the saintly animals and fish that don’t quite make it across our busy highways.

Since I’ve become so cynical and jaded after the rush to invade Iraq, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. But I am! No matter how crazy I think the idea that animals are somehow morally and ethically equal to humans, I did at least think the PETA people believed it. (Strange, but it would bothers me to find even ideologies I find crazy to be riddled with hypocrisy – like Republicans.)

Of course, I’m being totally unfair. If these PETA people did do what they’re accused of doing, that doesn’t mean that all PETA people are insane serial killers, which is what PETA would consider anyone who deliberately killed dozens of helpless animals if, as they seem to believe, those animals have the same rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness that we Americans believe all humans (except those who disagree with Bush) should have. Everybody else in PETA might well be just as nuts as they claim to be.

Speaking of nuts, I hear that a few Democrats are finally starting to talk about impeaching Bush for all the lies he told to justify the war in Iraq. Apparently not finding the Weapons of Mass Destruction wasn’t enough. Nor all the subsequent reports and findings and revelations that clearly proved that Bush intended to wage war on Iraq at least eight or nine months before he dejectedly gave up on the peace process (that’s a joke, by the way).

I guess it takes a secret briefing to the Prime Minister of Great Britain to energize the Democrats. According to media reports, Sir Richard Dearlove, the head of British intelligence, told Tony Blair that Bush was determined to go to war, so &uot;the intelligence and facts were being fixed around the policy.&uot;

I’m sorry, but DUH! I told y’all back in October 2002 that Bush was determined to go to war with Iraq and that it was inevitable – that he had stacked the deck so that there were only two options left: A U.N. invasion led by the United States or a U.S. invasion (who knew about the &uot;Coalition of the Willing&uot; back then?). He did just as he intended to do from, I believe, the day of or the day after September 11, 2001.

So more than two years after the war, here come the Democrats holding aloft secret memos from the British government stating what, frankly, we already knew to be the truth.

Impeach Bush? I think he crossed the threshold and should be impeached. His lies were bigger than Clinton’s and effects far more dire. Nixon was a paragon of virtue when compared to Bush. But impeachment? It ain’t gonna happen as long as the Republicans are marching lock-step with him.

A final note on this week’s theme of topsy-turvy lunacy in the world: Tom Cruise announced Friday that he’s now engaged to Katie Holmes. Put aside that &uot;who cares&uot; attitude for a moment and consider this: A 40-something, twice divorced media superstar is now engaged to a 20-something, self-proclaimed virgin who has committed to joining his religion, which has something to do with big-headed goomers from outer space. If that’s not enough, he goes on national television leaping about like Peter Pan on steroids and pouncing on Oprah as if to pummel her into admitting that his love is the greatest and most wonderful love that ever has been.

Grab the popcorn, honey, this is gonna be good.

(PS: I almost forgot that Michael Jackson was acquitted on all counts! ????!)