Who’s peeking into your brain?

Published 12:00 am Thursday, March 31, 2005

Old George Orwell thought the world was going to heck in a handbasket in his 1948 novel &uot;1984&uot;, which was a nightmare about the total loss of individual liberty in a state where &uot;truth&uot; changed to suit what the genial &uot;Big Brother&uot; had in mind that day.

The idea for the novel came from the brutal dictatorship of Stalinist Russia, which imprisoned tens of millions of people and murdered millions of others for simply doing what &uot;The State&uot; said they shouldn’t do, such as listen to American music or criticize a government official.

One of the most frightening things in Orwell’s novel, however, was a brutally oppressive regime that could punish you for your thoughts. A thought-crime in that bleak world would get you brainwashed, at best, or tortured and killed.

But the only way the authorities could discover if you were committing thought-crimes was to observe you closely and use sophisticated psychological techniques to get you to confess that your thoughts were aberrant, which, as near as I can figure, means that you don’t agree with everything The State says and does.

The Bush administration has a hankering to copy old Stalin – from misleading the American people with distortions, lies, and revisionist histories to sanctioning torture, imprisoning people without trial, and even the murder of some of those prisoners.

Luckily for us, they’re only interested in terrorist suspects…for the time being.

Meanwhile, the United States and the Russians, as we discovered a few years back, were engaged in something just as insidious for over 20 years – using psychics to gather intelligence information. (Too bad they abandoned the program – they might have known al Quada’s plans ahead of time and might have been able to tell Bush there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.)

That’s right, back in the ’70s and ’80s the CIA was going around the nation gathering up wild-haired, oddly-attired old women from small trailers situated off the main highways and asking them to spy on the enemy from their living rooms.

Crystal balls and other &uot;oogy-boogey&uot; equipment were used to track down Libyan leader Moammar Gadahafi when the U.S. wanted to bomb him (we missed), find lost people, and locate radioactive materials (missed those, too).

But that’s just the stuff they’re willing to declassify and reveal to the public. What other nefarious plottings did the deep cover agencies, which use to answer to no one elected to government office, do with these mind-invading psychics?

And you thought computers were invading your privacy? That’s nothing. Worry about the government spying on surfing activities is just misdirection. They want you to worry about computers so you won’t suspect that psychics are strolling through your head.

If they want your secret thoughts – all those bad things you imagine doing or saying or wish that would happen – they can get one of their psychics to gaze deeply into her crystal ball to find them out without you ever knowing there was someone traipsing about inside your skull.

&uot;The horror, the horror,&uot; to quote Kurtz from Heart of Darkness.

The CIA says it dropped the program in the ’90s because it said they only had a 15 percent success rate, but who believes the CIA? In this decade, without psychics, the CIA is batting zero. Maybe it’s time to start the program back up.

Even if you do believe the CIA and the FBI – maybe ol’ J. Edgar liked to wear dresses because that’s the standard garb for psychics – what you really have to worry about are all those other &uot;Black Op&uot; agencies that operate outside approved government channels.

You know the ones. They’re the groups in charge of such things as keeping it a secret that big-headed aliens have landed on Earth.

What did we learn from them little big-headed goomers when they crashed that spaceship in Roswell 55 years ago? I’m sure them goomers communicate telepathically because they have itsy-bitsy mouths that are too small for talking and they don’t even have noses, so they must talk to one another through brain waves.

The secret government, the one that really runs things, has had a bunch of live aliens to examine since a flying saucer crashed in Roswell in 1947. By now the so-called &uot;black agencies&uot; have wrested the secrets of ESP (extrasensory perception) out of those tiny little aliens who came to Earth with only the best of intentions.

Now, not only is the &uot;secret government&uot; out to get us, the aliens are, too.

I think the psychic call-in lines advertised on television late at night are really fronts set up by powers vying for world domination. They’re advertising psychic help, but what you get when you let the psychic traipse around in your head is mind control.

The TV psychics and the little old women living in trailer parks have an insidious mission to complete: Secretly take control of a 100 million minds so they can enslave us all, assuring Bush of reelection (that’s right, his third, fourth, etc.) and getting the world ready for his secret plan to turn us all into unthinking zombies who believe everything he tells us, regardless of how silly it sounds (Social Security’s privatized accounts).

All you have to do to put yourself totally in Bush’s power is visit a psychic or go to one of his pep rallies, where psychics first screen you to make sure you’re not some free-brained moderate or liberal and then, as Bush presents his plan for Social Security, skulk inside your skull to turn you into a genuine Bushite. If you’ve already been to one, you’re doomed. Your brain is already corrupted, even if you don’t know it. They know everything about you and can make you do anything they want, any time they want.

Those of us whose brains are still pure and untainted by the vile degeneracy of shadow governments, Bush-think, and evil aliens are in a heap of trouble. It may already be too late.