Lesson in ‘poop’

Published 12:00 am Wednesday, June 30, 2004

In a discussion with a friend on the phone this week, I was prompted for a small bit of advice, which – to some degree – makes me nervous.

There’s nothing wrong with providing advice to someone, but you can’t help worry that what you’re telling someone is really what they should do.

Nevertheless, pondering the situation for a few moments, I was reminded of the following little lessons we might all use as &uot;good&uot; advice – hopefully the wording here will not offend anyone.

Lesson One:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, &uot;Can I also sit like you and do nothing?&uot;

The eagle answered, &uot;Sure, why not.&uot;

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson – To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson Two:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. &uot;I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,&uot; sighed the turkey, &uot;but I haven’t got the energy.&uot;

&uot;Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?&uot; replied the bull. &uot;They’re packed with nutrients.&uot;

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree, at which time he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him dead.

Management Lesson – Bull poop might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Lesson Three:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lesson –

(1) Not everyone who poops on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of poop is your friend.

(3) And when you’re in deep poop, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

Wise lessons to be sure, and I’d like to thank Ed Barnes out of Fuquay Verina for sharing the original via email this week… it was right on time.

Speaking of receiving oddities through the cyber world, here’s a little reminder of being in North Carolina during the summertime.


-The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

-The trees are whistling for the dogs.

-The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

-Hot water now comes out of both taps.

-You can make sun tea instantly.

-You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

-The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

-You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

-You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

-You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

-You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

-Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, &uot;What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?&uot;

-You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

-The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

-Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.

-The cows are giving evaporated milk.

Thanks to Chip and Angelia Shackelford for those tidbits.

Now you’re all loaded with some good advice to pass along to others and some things to look forward to in the heat of the season here at home in North Carolina.

One things missing, maybe you need a good old joke to pass along to the next person you see today… just to make ’em laugh.

There was this 85-year-old man, rather well to do as finances were concerned, who was visiting his doctor for a routine monthly checkup.

&uot;So, how are you feeling today,&uot; asked the doctor.

&uot;Couldn’t be better,&uot; replied the man. &uot;I’m feeling great and I have a brand new 18-year-old wife at home who is about to have my baby.&uot;

The doctor stood silent for a moment, scratched his head and pulled up a chair beside the man.

&uot;Sir, let me tell you a story. There was this hunter who had become rather forgetful in his ways and he decided one day he would go bear hunting.

&uot;Leaving home rather quickly, the hunter accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his shotgun.

&uot;As he started through the woods, it wasn’t long before he was confronted by a giant grizzly, snarling and darting toward him.&uot;

&uot;At that very moment, the hunter raised up the umbrella, pointed it at the bear, pushed the button and the bear fell dead as a door knob,&uot; the doctor said.

&uot;Oh, shucks,&uot; replied the man. &uot;Somebody else shot that bear.&uot;

&uot;You’re exactly right,&uot; said the doctor. &uot;And now you need to go find out who shot your bear.&uot;