Only in America
Published 12:00 am Monday, October 27, 2003
Ideas for a weekly column can come from numerous sources.
Often times, a topic of state, national or worldwide interest will spark the journalistic juices and prompt a response from this crusty old reporter.
Then there is the wide world of sports – always full of intriguing twists and turns, not to mention overpaid athletes to pick on as I have done so often in this space.
Every blue moon or so, a friend will share a comment, a joke or a few words of wisdom that are worthy for publication. So, without further ado, I proudly present the following, given to me by Kevin Outland – he of Nucor fame. Hope you enjoy them as much as I did:
Only in America…. can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in America….are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
Only in America….do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions filled while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America….do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet drink.
Only in America….do banks leave both doors wide open, but yet chain those ugly little black pens to the counters.
Only in America….do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our worthless junk in the garage.
Only in America….do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone that we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.
Only in America….do we buy hot dogs in packages of 10 and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America….do we use the word &uot;politics&uot; to describe our process of government. So, did you know that ‘Poll’ in Latin means ‘many’ and ‘tics’ are bloodsucking little creatures? With that in mind, it sounds like we describe our form of government rather well.
Only in America….do we have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Kevin went on to share the following thoughts that will put your mind in wonderment.
Ever wonder why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Ever wonder why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Ever wonder why we will never see this headline – Psychic Wins Lottery.
Ever wonder why ‘abbreviated’ is such a long word?
Ever wonder why is it that doctors call what they do, &uot;practice?&uot;
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you must click on &uot;start.&uot;
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the person responsible for investing all of your hard-earned cash called a &uot;broker?&uot;
Why is the time of the day with the slowest traffic called &uot;rush hour?&uot;
Why isn’t there such a thing as mouse-flavored cat food?
When the label boasts that dog food has a new taste, who tests it?
Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for a lethal injection?
Why don’t they make airplanes out of the same material used to make those little black boxes?
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called &uot;apartments&uot; when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, then why do they call the areas of departure and arrival a terminal?
When a woman goes to the beauty parlor to get a &uot;permanent,&uot; then why doesn’t it last forever?