The sun finally shines on the R-CPublished 8:52am Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Are you like me? Are you sick and tired of reading all the bad news while you’ve been cooped up inside your home during this long, cold and wet winter (and now Spring)?
No matter how you get the news, it’s the same old thing….political unrest between the United States and Russia (once again), the slow recovery from The Great Recession, and murder and mayhem (all over the world, including right here at home).
But, with every cloud comes a ray of sunshine and we’re long overdue to bask in the warmth of good news. Armed with all new information I’m about to share, it seems our “day in the sun” has finally arrived.
According to an extremely reliable source, it appears the much anticipated, not to mention long awaited, NC 11 improvement project will take place. If my well-placed source is correct, the “working man’s road” from Ahoskie to Oak City will be widened to four lanes, where it will tie into a multi-lane highway leading to Greenville as well as acting as a connector for US 64.
That’s not all. It seems our local politicians – at both the municipal and county levels – have at long last had their pleas heard by the state in regards to four-laning US 13 from the Virginia line to Windsor. That includes the ongoing construction of widening 13 from Winton to Tar Heel BBQ…the first phase of that project.
Locally, the Hertford County Board of Commissioners has basically settled on a new, ad valoreum tax rate for the next budget year (2014-15). The Board, in an act of surprise kindness towards those who put them in office, will lower the tax rate to 68 cents per $100 of value.
In a cost-saving effort over in Northampton County, their Board of Commissioners will make an attempt to slice the length of their twice-monthly meetings in half, reducing them to no more than 90 minutes. Following the “act of kindness” trend found in Hertford County, the Northampton Commissioners are also seriously considering spending their summer vacations with their best friends over on the Northampton Board of Education.
Up in Gates County, sources tell me that Toby Chappell will return as the County Manager. In what has become a revolving door in the Manager’s office (nine leaders – full-time or interim since 2005), Chappell was tough enough to hang out the longest (four years). Rumor has it that he’ll ask for a six-figure salary.
And in the biggest local news of all, I can share that officials with the area’s non-church related private schools will form an alliance and merge to create LawNorthRidge. Rumor has it that the merger calls for one, centrally located K-12 independent school to be build at a yet to be determined location. However, after a bit of investigative work, this reporter has learned that site may be in the area of the new Super Wal Mart in Ahoskie (where it seems everything is gravitating towards).
If you’re still hanging on each and every word at this point and not doubling over with laughter (or signaling me with your middle finger), I’ll go on.
Sources tell me that the FBI did indeed have a hand in plotting JFK’s assassination; Neil Armstrong didn’t set foot on the moon, but rather in the Arizona desert; Major League Baseball will enact a salary cap; several UNC-Chapel Hill football players have earned Rhodes Scholarships (but refused them upon learning they have to attend class) and my boss, Steve Stewart, is preparing to give me a fat raise.
With all this in mind – April Fools!
Cal Bryant is Editor of Roanoke-Chowan Publications. He can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org or 252-332-7207.