Getting your Trinity Audio player ready...

Abusing someone you profess to love is not normal behavior. Unfortunately, it occurs round-the-clock, each day of the week.

Domestic violence cases are numerous across our nation and in North Carolina. According to the North Carolina State Bureau of Investigation, There were 135 victims of domestic violence related homicide during calendar year 2023. This represents a 17.4% increase from the 115 individual victims reported for calendar year 2022.

Of the 135 victims, 78 were female and 57 were male.

Six of the 135 victims in 2023 had previously taken out protective orders when the homicide occurred. Three of those protective orders were current (active) at the time the homicide occurred.

While the number of domestic violence related homicides was lower in 2024 in North Carolina (83), one death is one too many in my book.

According to safehorizon.org, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will experience severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. (CDC, 2017).

1 in 10 women in the United States will be raped by an intimate partner in her lifetime. (CDC, 2010).

Approximately 16.9% of women and 8.0% of men will experience sexual violence other than rape by an intimate partner at some point in their lifetime. (CDC, 2010).

Data on sexual violence against men may be underreported.

An estimated 9.7% of women and 2.3% of men have been stalked by an intimate partner during their lifetime. (CDC, 2017).

Nearly half of all women and men in the United States will experience psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime. (CDC, 2017).

No matter how staggering those numbers are, and no matter how helpless the abuser tries to make you feel, victims should know that the law is on your side.

No one should ever have to endure beatings, harassment, threats or any other unwanted abuse from a mate or any other member of your family.

As noted in thehotline.org, common signs of abusive behavior in a partner include the following:

Telling you that you never do anything right.

Showing extreme jealousy of your friends or time spent away from them.

Preventing or discouraging you from spending time with others, particularly friends, family members, or peers.

Insulting, demeaning, or shaming you, especially in front of other people.

Preventing you from making your own decisions, including about working or attending school.

Controlling finances in the household without discussion, such as taking your money or refusing to provide money for necessary expenses.

Pressuring you to have sex or perform sexual acts you’re not comfortable with.

Pressuring you to use drugs or alcohol.

Intimidating you through threatening looks or actions.

Insulting your parenting or threatening to harm or take away your children or pets.

Intimidating you with weapons like guns, knives, bats, or mace.

Destroying your belongings or your home.

There is help for victims, both from law enforcement and through the District Attorney. From a law enforcement standpoint, they are all too aware of repeat cases of domestic violence.

If you are physically abused or threatened with abuse, contact law enforcement officers as soon as you are able to do so. Not only can they put the abuser in jail after an abusive incident, you can get help through the judicial system in either putting some distance between yourself and your abuser or force the abuser to get the psychological help he (or she) obviously needs.

Constant abuse of a spouse or other family member is indicative of a very disturbed individual and though he (or she) might be apologetic and swear it will never happen again, abusive individuals usually get worse and worse, sometimes reaching the stage when abuse turns to murder.

Seek the advice of someone you trust…a close friend, family member, a member of the clergy…. or ask a law enforcement officer for advice – take action to save yourself or your children from abuse.

The best advice is if you are in an abusive relationship, plan your escape, find a place to stay and try to save some money for the escape.

Create a survival kit and include items such as bus/cab fare, a change of clothes, car and house keys, legal documents, etc. Ask a neighbor or trusted friend to keep it for you in case of an emergency.

Once in a safe location, immediately contact your closest law enforcement agency: Bertie County Sheriff (252-794-5330; Gates County Sheriff (252-357-2411); Hertford County Sheriff (252-358-7800) or Northampton County Sheriff (252-534-2611) or the police department of the town where you have sought safe shelter. In extreme emergencies, call 9-1-1.

Albemarle Hopeline (252-338-3011) provides services to victims and survivors of domestic violence and/or sexual assault, including adult survivors of childhood abuse. Services available include a 24-hour hotline, emergency shelter, courtroom advocacy (including assistance with filing for a domestic violence protective order), counseling, and referrals. All services are free and confidential.

There is also a National Domestic Violence Hotline….800-799-7233.

Another noteworthy bit of advice in crimes involving domestic violence, if an innocent bystander does witness an attack, do not get physically involved, but call the police. And never underestimate the severity of an attack.

If your neighbors are constantly fighting, verbally or otherwise, call the police. The quarreling is perhaps disturbing your peace, but the most important fact is by reporting the incident you may be saving someone’s life.

And if you become involved to the point where you offer your home as a shelter to a domestic violence victim, consider the consequences of your personal safety.

Cal Bryant is the Editor of Roanoke-Chowan Publications. Contact him at cal.bryant@r-cnews.com or 252-332-7207.