The ultimate recall notice
Published 9:37 am Tuesday, July 17, 2012
If your memory is excellent, it’s highly possible to recall a past moment that stands out in your life.
In politics, there’s such a thing as a recall election. In American history, only two governors have ever been successfully recalled – Lynn Frazier, Governor of North Dakota, was recalled in 1921 during a dispute about state-owned industries; in 2003, Governor Gray Davis of California was recalled over the state budget.
Professional athletes also fall under recalls, especially in baseball where they are sent down to the minor leagues to rehab an injury before being “recalled” to join the big club.
And, of course, there’s a seemingly endless list of product recalls – from eggs, to dog food, veggies and vehicles.
But can an average, everyday person be recalled? The following was sent to me via email a while back by a friend. It’s very clever and to the point….I never heard a recall notice put quite like this before:
The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.
This recall is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units.
This defect has been identified as “Subsequential Internal Non-morality,” more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.
Some of the symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect.
The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.
The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R. Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.
No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
9. Self control
Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (BEST Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list, and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.
DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility. Thank you for your attention!
P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by “Knee mail.”
Cal Bryant is Editor of Roanoke-Chowan Publications. He can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org or 252-332-7207.