Regular readers of my sports column know I occasionally write what I call a “Rant and Rave” column. I usually write these during one of those weeks when I simply have too much on my mind to write about just one thing. This week’s column will simply be a rant (or tantrum if you prefer).

Hey you…the kid in the drive-through, whatever happened to thank you and please? There was a time not long ago that when I gave a business my money I could expect at least a thank you in return. Now I am somehow made to feel as if I have burdened you with my unreasonable expectation of adequate service. By the way, smiling is not illegal.

And for the record, from now on I will NOT pull forward to wait on my food. I am tired of being asked to pull forward so that the clock with which you are judged by your corporate superiors won’t accurately show how slow you are. If it takes you 12 minutes to get me my number 2 special with sweet tea then I think your regional manager should know just how slack you are.

Hey you…the guy/lady with the phone stuck to your ear, I don’t want to hear your conversation. I get it, you consider yourself to be a very important person. Plus you happen to have both a cell phone and a friend…congratulations. I however don’t need to hear the horrid story you call your dating life while in the bathroom stall next to you, in the grocery line behind you or in traffic at the light next to you.

Stop talking on the phone in the bathroom…it’s weird and gross for everyone involved. Hang up the phone before getting in line for customer service. There is a good chance I’m waiting in line behind you and I now have to wait longer because you’re incapable of holding two conversations at the same time. It’s rude and disrespectful and despite how cool you think you look, everyone around you is daydreaming of playing the “hide the phone in an orifice” game with you.

Please for the love of all that is holy hang up the phone while driving. Some of you (you know who you are) don’t even drive that well with two hands. Despite this you insist on driving while placing the phone next to your ear and inevitably holding the most animated conversation of all time.

For extra fun many of you try to accomplish all this while also smoking or eating. This often means that the task of rotating the steering wheel has been delegated to your knee. For everyone on the road with you I ask that you hang up, speed up and get back on your side of the road.

Hey you…lady in line at the supermarket, please have your money ready. Why must you insist on acting like it’s a surprise when the clerk, having just rung up all your items asks you for some form of payment? It is only after they give you a total that you begin the task of digging through that piece of luggage you call a purse for the crumpled up twenty dollar bill and sixty-eight cents worth of exact change you have in nickels and pennies.

Thanks for letting me vent to you today. I apologize to anyone I may have offended, however if I did offend you I suggest you ask if maybe I didn’t hit a little close to home with one of my examples above. To everyone else…beware. The above people are everywhere and they are mating.

David Friedman is a long-time contributor to the Roanoke-Chowan News Herald. A Bertie High School

graduate, he and his wife currently reside in Wilmington. David can be reached via e-mail at dave@gate811.net.