As the late, great Art Linkletter once remarked…“Kids say the darndest things.”

Linkletter, who just passed away late last month, made a living on TV by posing unrehearsed questions to children. He, along with his studio audience and the millions watching on TV, would double over with laughter when those innocent kids would blurt out their answers.

I received an e-mail last week from my good friend – Bobby “Keys” Eure…now known as the award-winning Bobby Eure (more on that honor will be published later). Bobby sent me the answers that 11-year-old students gave to a science exam. Hope you enjoy them as much as I did (the spelling is left unchanged).

“Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.”

“When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.”

“H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.”

“To collect fumes of sulphur, hold down a deacon over a flame in test tube”

“Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state”

“Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.”

“Blood flows down one leg and up the other.”

“The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.”

“Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.”

“Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.”

“The body consists of three parts – the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i, o and u.”

“Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.”

“Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.”

“Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.”

“To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.”

“For a nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.”

“For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.”

“For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.”

“To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow.”

“The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.”

“The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.”

“The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.”

“A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars,and eight cuspidors.”

“A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.”

“Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.”

“Germinate: To become a naturalized German.”

“Liter: A nest of young puppies.”

“Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.”

Cal Bryant is Editor of the Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald and Gates County Index. He can be reached at cal.bryant@r-cnews.com or 252-332-7207.