Right-on, brother David!

For any real man out there who missed David Sullens’ most recent column, I implore you to read it, each and every word.

I, like David and most other real men, was born without a shopping gene. Heck, I even hate to go to the grocery store, unless it’s during the warm weather months where, as in charge of my outdoor sanctum…the grill, I get to select the steaks.

When it comes to Christmas shopping, I have learned one valuable lesson in my 29 years of marriage, never perform that task with your wife. Doing so is a day, no make that two days, perhaps as many as five days, spent in aimless direction. The only saving grace for men is camping out in the electronics section of a store while our wives are visiting every aisle and picking up, and putting down, and picking up again nearly every item.

Like most men, give me a day, maybe just a half-day, alone with the mall masses and I’m done. Why? Because I know what I want and I go get it. I don’t go shopping; I go buying.

Take this year for example. My daughter, Danielle, wants an SLR digital camera. She, like her father, is a shutter bug and a dang good photographer if ya’ll don’t mind me bragging a bit. I went online, checked out all the latest cameras and made my choice for her first SLR (those cameras are a big step-up from the pocket-size models). My search included which store has the best price. Now all that’s left is going there and buying it.

Another thing I’ve learned over the years is what to buy – and most importantly, what not to buy – that woman who shares the same roof as you.

Guys, follow these rules and live to see next Christmas:

Rule #1: Never, ever fall for the line, “I don’t really need anything for Christmas. I have everything I need.”

Rule #2: If you are at a complete loss when it comes to selecting that perfect gift, buy anything that’s expensive and be sure to save the receipt.

Rule #3: Never buy your woman anything that she has labor over – pots, pans, vacuum cleaners, etc.

Rule #4: Have the gift wrapped immediately and then hide it where she’ll never find it – inside the stove.

Rule #5: No gift cards. Anything that’s easy to purchase sends an “I don’t care” message.

Okay guys, it’s time to hit the mall. Please, no lingering, no loitering. Make a beeline for the store(s) of your choice and buy; do not shop.

(Cal Bryant is Editor of the Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald and Gates County Index. He can be reached at cal.bryant@r-cnews.com or 252-332-7207.)