Someone once asked me how my wife and I remained so happily married now for over 30 years.

My answer was simple; she knows who is the boss within our humble abode…she knows who wears the pants in our family. I’m mighty proud to tell you that the person who fits the aforementioned descriptions is my wife.

A man must know his limitations when it comes to the fairer sex. I know what my limitations are. There are only two things a man needs to know in order to maintain a happy marriage…(1) a woman is always right; and (2) see rule number one. That was the exact advice I shared last year with my new son-in-law…..and so far, so good with that particular union of man and woman. I even got a grandson out of the deal….who am I to ask for more!

I read these following wise, old sayings a while back and kept them for a column idea. I think all married men will completely understand the meanings:

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

Women inspire men to do great things in life and prevent us from achieving them.

The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, what does a woman want?

I had some words with my wife and she had some paragraphs with me.

When arguing, you have a choice. You can be right, or you can be happy.

Another key to a long and happy marriage is to take some time to go to a restaurant two times a week…a little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.

I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,

2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: ‘Wife wanted’. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine.’

First Guy (proudly): ‘My wife’s an angel!’

Second Guy: ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.’

I can recall my dad telling me the key ingredient to a happy marriage (they were married for over 50 years before passing away 10 years ago). The key, he said, are two simple words…..“Yes, dear.”

A man’s perfect life….. Once upon a time a guy asked a girl “Will you marry me?” The girl said, “NO!” And the man lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and passed gas whenever he wanted.

And I’ll leave you with these words from the late, great Benjamin Franklin: “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.”

See you folks next week….if I’m still alive!

 Cal Bryant is Editor of Roanoke-Chowan Publications. He can be contacted at cal.bryant@r-cnews.com or at 252-332-7207.