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You’re having a bad day when…..

Published 8:53am Tuesday, January 7, 2014

We all have had our fair share of bad days.

Normally, people can tell early in the morning if their day is heading in the wrong direction. Small, tell-tale signs such as there are no clean bath towels to be found; the toilet paper holder is empty (and there’s no emergency roll within an arm’s reach); you can’t find any clean underwear; or you’re out of coffee should give a person a heads-up that their day is on the verge of becoming even worse.

However, there’s always comfort to be found in other people’s problems. We humans are a weird lot…we love reading about other people’s miseries.

So, the next time you think the world is crumbling around you, consider these tales of the weird:

In a particular hospital’s Intensive Care Unit, patients always die in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11 a.m., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the super natural.

No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11 a.m. on Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11 a.m., all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday janitor, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Are you still having a bad day? If so, read on.

Do you remember the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska? It caused billons in damage. The average cost of rehabilitating one oil-covered was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a bad day? Read the following:

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Are you okay now? No; then check this out:

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all 2,000 pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What? Still having a bad day? Then check this one out:

One night, Tim was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Tim and the thief began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and Tim put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground.

The thief then went through Tim’s pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Tim was 25 cents. The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Tim why he had bothered to fight so hard for 25 cents.

“Was that all you wanted,” Tim replied, “I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I’ve got in my shoe!”

I saved the best “bad day” for last:

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn’t pay enough postage on a letter bomb he sent. It came back with ‘Return to Sender’ stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. God is good!

There now, I hope you’re feeling better. Just remember these stories the next time you’re having a bad day.

Cal Bryant is Editor of Roanoke-Chowan Publications. He can be contacted at cal.bryant@r-cnews.com or 252-332-7207.

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