What’s not for breakfast?Published 9:48am Tuesday, January 24, 2012
It’s funny how things stick with you over time.
Of all the wise things my now late dad taught me over the years, it was his sense of humor that I remember the most.
There wasn’t a time I can remember after becoming an adult when I would visit home and dad would share a joke or funny saying he had overheard.
He loved to joke about his days in school, saying that he wasn’t an astute student, but rather, “was a warm body taking up a seat.”
One of his favorite sayings was, “It’s not the questions I have trouble with, it’s the answers.”
I think he could have passed the following quiz with flying colors. As a matter of fact, I think the young man that wrote these answers should have been given a 100 score. However, his teacher saw it another way as his final grade on the test was a big, fat zero.
Read these questions carefully and see if you agree with the answers given by this young man.
Question 1: In which battle did Napoleon die?
Answer: His last battle.
Question 2: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
Answer: At the bottom of the page.
Question 3: River Ravi flows in which state?
Question 4: What is the main reason for divorce?
Question 5: What is the main reason for failure?
Question 6: What can you never eat for breakfast?
Answer: Lunch and dinner.
Question 7: What looks like half an apple?
Answer: The other half.
Question 8: If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become?
Question 9: How can a man go eight days without sleeping?
Answer: No problem, he sleeps at night.
Question 10: How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
Answer: You will never find an elephant that has only one hand. If you do, that’s a rare find because elephants normally do not have hands.
Question 11: If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
Answer: Very large hands.
Question 12: If it took eight men a total of 10 hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
Answer: No time at all, the wall is already built.
Question 13: How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
Answer: Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack, especially by an egg.
Question 14: How did fossilized oyster shells get on top of Mt. Everest?
Answer: Very slowly.
Question 15: From where do living things receive their energy.
Answer: Quarter-pounder combo, supersized, at McDonalds.
After giving this student a zero on the test, the teacher tried to lift his spirits (and end of year results) by allowing him to write a short story using as few words as possible. The story had to be based on three elements – religion, sexuality and mystery.
For his efforts he was given an A+ for writing – “Good God, my girlfriend is pregnant; I wonder who did it?
Cal Bryant is Editor of Roanoke-Chowan Publications. He can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org or 252-332-7207.